Nobody told me about needles.
Look, when I came out of the warm place, I was stuck with a bunch of needles by all those nurses. And, to be honest, I thought it was over. I thought my time as a pin cushion was all done with.
Oh no. Liars. All of them. All of you.
So Mommy took me to the doctor, whose route by car I am beginning to memorize and will begin terrorizing the ride in a very short manner, and I was given a shot. Right in the leg. Needle in and needle out.
That hurt. That was unexpected. That was not fun. So, I began to voice my displeasure as loud as I can, so every infant in the waiting room would know what was coming for them behind these closed doors. Hopefully, one of them heard and made a dash for it to freedom.
Anyways, while I was making the most disruptive commotion I could possibly summon from my 12 and a half pound body, something amazing happened. Something unexpected. Something fun.
Mommy stuck her breast into my mouth.
Sweet, sweet manna from booby. My delicious milk from the fountain of wonderful. My white-colored life blood. My liquid human dessert. My...well, you get the point.
It was the most amazing meal I ever had.
And I can't remember what happened right before that.
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