Friday, July 31, 2009


Tonight, Mommy and Daddy and I drove up to Gram and Grampa's house and we had dinner together. We had a nice steak, zucchini and potatoes. Daddy set a nice example for me and ate his greens. It looked delicious. Of course, all I had was the zucchini.

And the zucchini was really good.

I just can't wait to have Grampa's tri-tip. I've heard such great things about it. He's supposedly a master at cooking it. I can't wait to learn how to by his side, spatula in each of our hands, making small talk seem really big.

Or I could just download the recipe from Emeril.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

New Clothes

The bad thing about being so small is that when you grow, you really grow.It's noticeable. And there's nothing your clothes can do to stop it.

So you gotta get some new clothes.

Mommy likes taking me to the store and going shopping for me. She thinks about which shirts go with which pants and want statement am I gonna make with each outfit.

It's like she thinks I'm Suri Cruise or something.

Still, there ain't no paparazzi hiding in the bushes. I can dress down every so often. I can onesie it every blue moon. There's no shame in that.

But I do like being an icon of style.

Now excuse me while I pop my collar.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I'm getting used to this whole Skype thing. I now understand that I'm not watching television, and that Grandpa and other people aren't living inside the box. I understand that it's either technology or magic. Not sure which. Not sure if there's a difference.

But I like that I can interact with it, they can see me and me them. And whoever can make me laugh and I can put a smile on their faces, no matter how far they are from me.

But it makes me wonder if they can smell it when my diaper's full.

And if they can, is there a mute button for it?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Not Food

Mommy and Daddy have instituted a new phrase into my life. When I put something into my mouth that I can't eat, they say "Not food" and I'm supposed to put it down.

But I ask, how do you know it's not food?

Did the first person who ate a banana listen to the people who told him it was not food? Or the guy who saw a cow and thought, well that's an animal and not food, right? Or the fine people who make chocolate bars that look like something else entirely. Who was the brave soul who bit into that?

Just saying.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Clearing the Record

I would like to set the record straight, for once and for all.

How big am I?

This big.

Are we clear?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Alert the People from Guinness

What happens when it takes four different diapers to clean up a mess that was caused by a nine and a half month old?

A new world record.

Or, at least, it should be.

Because it was that rich.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Restaurant

We went back to the restaurant/bar today. Again, I was the life of the party. And again, I didn't have to show my ID to get in. That's what happens when you exude confidence. You appear older than what you are.

I mean, little did everyone in there know that I was actually young enough to be their kid.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Climb

Uncle Aaron and Auntie Jenn have a big house. And with a big house comes a lot of steps. And with a lot of steps comes a personal challenge to push myself to the upper limits of what I can do.

There's about 18 steps here, and it took every fiber within me to scale those heights, all without a net.

Now if I only knew how to get down.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dog Gone

I got a chance to meet Beau, who is the newest furry addition to the family. You would think that someone that's still a rookie would go out of their way to ingratiate themselves to everyone. I do. You think I'm just smiling and being cute just out of the goodness of my heart?

Anyways, what does Beau do? Well, to begin with, he stole Sophie. Yep, he put my giraffe into his mouth and ran away. My beloved Sophie. My best friend. Although we got her back, it just won't be the same. The trust has been broken.

But that's just the half of it. I began to realize that most of my toys were not in the same place where I threw them last. I know who to blame.

Look, Beau, let's get one thing straight. I like to forgive and forget and to give the worthy a second chance. So I'm gonna overlook these transgressions. But if I'm gonna meet you halfway, you gotta do the same.

Or I'm gonna pull your tail.

You heard me.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wake Up

This morning, Mommy and I snuck into Katie's room while she was sleeping. She threw me on top of her and I started giggling loudly. Katie jumped up, then saw it was me and we hugged.

I am the best alarm ever.

Then it was time to wake up Buddha. She's a heavier sleeper, so I had to bring more game with me. Again, Mommy and I snuck into her room. Again, she threw me on top of my cousin. Again, I giggled loudly. But then, I also draped myself on her and toppled myself over.

That did it.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

San Diego

Today, Mommy and I went on a vacation to San Diego to visit Uncle Aaron, Auntie Jenn and Katie and Haley and their new dog Beau and their new house.

Daddy had to stay behind and work.

I'll be thinking of you when I'm in their pool, swimming back and forth, basking in the always perfect weather and drinking a marguerita.

Okay, formula.

A man can try, can't he?

Monday, July 20, 2009


So I've got a confession to make.

I've become an addict of "Yo Gabba Gabba".

I don't know if it's all the colors, or the goofy dancing, or DJ Lance's fabulousness, or the strange celebrity cameos, or the other pieces that just don't fit, or that the kids who dance seem like they're doing it at gunpoint, or that the lyrics to the songs feel like they're being made up on the spot, or that the themes of the show have very little to do with the actual content of the show, or that someone actually created this and it made sense to them, but I'm hooked.

And so is Daddy.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


When Daddy gets on the floor to play with me, he rolls a ball to my right hand. I pick it up, put it in my mouth, then throw it back to him. Then he rolls it back to me.

We do this a couple of times together. Then we move on. And when I say "we move on", I mean I move on.

Still, it's fun. He moves slightly back with each throw, and I gotta say, it's more challenging but more rewarding too. I guess this is what they call "having a catch", and I guess we'll be doing this for a long time, or at least until Daddy's arm falls off.

That makes me happy.

Not his arm falling off.

But the game of catch.

His arm falling off makes me sad.

Unless it happens in a way that's hilarious.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Because Mommy got tired of shutting cabinest doors, she bought me a set of soft blocks for me to play with. They're really cool. They come in different shapes and sizes, and I can stack them up, hold them or put them into my mouth.

Sometimes, I do all three at once.

Also, Daddy gets on the floor with me and plays. He puts one block on top of the other until it rises up so high in the sky. I don't really like when this happens. I take it as a threat to my superiority. So what else can a man do than knock it down. Then I stare at Daddy and, if I could talk, I would say "What?"

Then you know what that silly man does? He builds another. And you know what I do? I knock it down. And he builds another. And again, it goes down. And so we go, on and on.

That's when I realize we're playing a game, and I seem to be winning. In fact, I'm blowing him out.

For I am the baby bulldozer.

Friday, July 17, 2009


I think people should change things up a bit. It keeps other people on their toes, and it adds spice to your own life. Change is good.

So I've changed my laugh. And what was once measured goes something like this. Hit it maestro.

Heh...Eee uhh eee uhh eee uhh...Heh...Eee uhh eee uhh eee uhh...Heh...(and so it goes).

It's working for me. Yes, it's a little Woody Woodpecker (or so I'm told; I have no idea who that is or why he's stealing from me) but it's now mine.

Don't steal it.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Grandpa sent us a photo of Daddy when we was my age. Then he pasted it next to a current picture of me.'re twins. Like, mirror images.

Even down to the "deer in the headlights" gaze. In fact, we just trademarked that look.

So, at nine months old, at least I know where I'm heading. That is, unless I keep in shape, in which case, all bets are off.

Hear me, destiny?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


As a ladies man and a tough guy, I don't admit to any kryptonite. In fact, to the naked eye, you might think I have none. I am relatively bulletproof.

Still, with that being said, I ask you to not tickle me behind the knee.

It's just a glitch.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Big Shoes to Fill

Although I'm just nine months old, I fancy myself as an overachiever. And that notion goes from the top of the head to the bottom of my feet.

Or maybe the sides of my feet.

When you go to a store to buy me shoes, I need to warn you about the chart they have about matching up months to sizes. It don't work for me. In fact, I fart in its general direction.

You see, I've got wide feet. Mommy comes from a family of the wide footed, and she passed down the legacy to me. So even though they length might work, the width doesn't. Unless you think bustin' at the seams is a good look. Or the unvelcroable.

Is unvelcroable a word?

It isn't?

It is now.



Monday, July 13, 2009


When I'm eating, I'm a man on a mission. I don't like to stop. I keep going. And I won't wait for anybody.

That's means you, Mommy.

So when you hear me grunting and moaning inbetween bites, it's not because I'm in pain. Or that something's bothering me. Or that I'm full.

It's because there's just no definition of the word "enough" that works for me. And that you need to work on your hand speed, because your feeding skills are lacking.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Open Shut

I've discovered these amazing new toys at home. They're called cabinets, and this is how they work. You grab the handle on the door and pull it open. It's that simple.

And inside, there's all these weird toys like pots and pans. I still haven't figured out what to do with them other than to pull them out and drop them on the floor.

Mommy doesn't seem too happy with my discovery.

But I am.

So I win.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Bad Smellin' Hotel Room

Usually when the room stinks up, you can blame me. I can fill a diaper like it's nobody's business. That's how I roll. You should know that.

But not this morning.

I don't know what happened tonight. I don't know what mixture of food and alcohol my parents consumed at the wedding. But after the pipe organ concert that was coming from their bums all night long, the room wound up a nuclear wasteland that only the noseless could survive.

It was harsh.

Seriously, what did I do to deserve this?

Friday, July 10, 2009

SLO Swimming

Today we drove down to San Luis Obispo for my cousin Travis and Kristin's wedding. It was a long drive, but I didn't mind. California is so pretty, even to someone like me who doesn't really know what he's looking at.

And San Luis Obispo is a sight to behold. Real nice place.

We checked into our hotel where our entire family was staying. And if that wasn't cool enough, our hotel also had a big pool. And if that wasn't cool enough, everyone brought their bathing suit.

Which meant we all got wet together.

My cousins Dylan and Tanner were there, swimming around, and I took their lead. As you know, I've been training, and although I couldn't keep up, I was in there. Especially when I swam back and forth from Dada and Grampa.

Good times? Nah. Great times.

Thursday, July 09, 2009


A dog is a furry animal that licks your hand.

A duck is also a furry animal, but it swims in a lake.

I know what they are. If they are in my presence, I can point at them.

And I know how to say them.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

End of Vacation

Although I am a now a rugged man of the wilderness, I am truly an urbanite at heart. So Gram and Grampa drove me all the way from Novato to San Francisco so I could hang out with Mama and Dada again.

And what a reunion we had. It's only been two days, but when you've only been around for nine months, that's a pretty long time.

I couldn't wait to see them.

They couldn't wait to see me.

And although it was a Wednesday, we partied like it was a Saturday.

A Saturday in 1999.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Sand Harbor

Today I went to this little alcove called Sand Harbor with Gram, Grampa and all my cousins. And guess what? It had sand. Endless grains of sand all around me. Every where I looked, there was sand.

Even though I have big hands for a kid, I actually have small hands in proportion to the general populace. But still, sand is even smaller, and I was able to pick up sand and let it fall between my fingers.

I must have done that seven or eight thousand times.

How you like me now, Laird Hamilton?

Monday, July 06, 2009

9 Months Old

Mommy and Daddy left late last night for San Francisco because they had to work, so they left me up here with Gram, Grampa and my cousins for extended play time.

And so I could celebrate my nine months old birthday at a pub called the Bridgetender.

How cool is that? How many infants can throw down a few cold ones during one of the nine most important days of their life so far? And how many infants look so mature that they don't have to show ID to get into a drinking establishment?

Boo. Yah.

Sunday, July 05, 2009


Today I got to have a huge play sessions with my cousins Evan and Ben. And by play session, I mean I stood up in my Pack 'n Play and stared at them intently while they ran around. It was fun. I mean, it was hypothetically fun, when I think about next year when I can run around and have 83% control of my limbs and be able to do coordinated things with other kids around my age.

I'm already planning stuff.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy Birthday America

I have no idea what that means other than I got to play on the beach and took a wagon ride with Petra.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Ball with Gabby

When I look around me up here in Tahoe, I see nothing but forest and grass and trees. And when I look at Gabby (Gram and Grampa's black lab), I think that I can't wait to be able to pick up a tennis ball and throw it as far as I can into the forest and grass and trees and watch Gabby chase after it and bring it back to me and then I throw it again and we do this for hours.

But for now, the game we play is Gabby drops a ball at my feet, I pick it up, Mommy takes it from me and wipes Gabby's slobber off of it and then she wipes the slobber off from my own hands, and then I pick it up and roll it at her and she picks it up and we repeat it.

It'll be better when I have a throwing arm.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

First Night in a Tent

So...nobody told me that I wouldn't have a crib and windows and walls up here in Tahoe. Instead, my crib is a Pack and Play. My window is a zippered flap. And my walls are made of nylon and mylar. This is what's called camping.

Tonight wasn't fun. I cried hard. It was scary. And it was cold. Mommy and Daddy put me in a onesie and my pajamas and two sleep sacks, but when I peed myself, the diaper got wet and the onesie got wet and add the wetness to the coldness and it just wasn't any fun for me.

But we'll work on it because I actually dig camping.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Bye Grandpa. Hello Tahoe.

Today we drove Grandpa to the airport because he had to go back to New York, where my cousins Nicky and Ava Rose are waiting for him. We had a blast together this past week or so. He held up to his end of the track meet, and because of that, we developed a bit of a bromance.

Have a nice flight, Grandpa. I love you and miss you already.

After we dropped him off, Mommy and I drove up to North Lake Tahoe (Daddy comes up tomorrow) to spend our annual Fourth of July weekend with Gram and Grampa and cousins and friends. I say annual, but for me, everything is just the first edition of what might become a tradition. But considering this has been going on for twenty years or so, I think this tradition is in the clear.

I've been to Tahoe before when it was all white. Now I've heard that it's all green with a big blue lake. Funny how things change.