Monday, October 05, 2009


Today is the day I decided I'd be a walker. I don't know why. But I think crawling is rather childish and I think it's time for me to be an adult.

Although I do like crawling.

But walking is better.

Reese walks. I want to impress her.

Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk.

Catch me if you can.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

A New Game

Daddy and I played this new awesome game in the morning.

1. I tackle him. That usually starts all our games.
2. I crawl on his chest.
3. He picks me up and turns me around, so I'm facing his feet.
4. I stand up on his stomach.
5. He lifts his legs up straight.
6. I hold onto his legs.
7. Daddy sits up and his legs and I fall down.
8. Laugh.



Saturday, October 03, 2009

Reese's Birthday

Today was my girlfriend Reese's birthday. Mommy and I walked all the way down to the Marina to celebrate at her party. And from the first step to the last, I held onto a daisy to give to her.

I even wore a skirt and held a doll for her. That's how deep my love runs.

Happy birthday, Reese.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Mood Swung

I just wasn't feeling it today. Maybe it's still getting used to the whole organic milk thing. Maybe it was a cold I caught from Petra. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the crib. I just wasn't me today. And I clung to Mommy as much as I can.

She actually dug that. I'm not much of a clinger.

I thought that was how my day would end, but then...voila! Auntie Pua showed up. I hadn't seen her in awhile, and she came to play. We got on the floor and she chased me. And then I tackled her. And then she read a book to me.

And then, when I was eating, I also decided to sing at the same time. And as you all know, I've got opera chops. And what did she do? Try to throw green peas into my open mouth. But she missed, over and over again. She hit my forehead and my cheek and one flew past me and hit the wall.

Ummm...what was I saying about having a bad day?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

A New Trick

I wasn't really feeling it today. I woke up coughing and just felt blah throughout. I might have had a little fever. Who knows. I just wasn't really into playing much.

However, Mommy laid down on the glider and I made my way over to her. I latched myself onto her bare feet and was about to extend my arms to her in an effort to be held, but something funny happened: she jumped back and giggled. So I put my hands back on her feet, and she giggled again. Then I slightly ran my hand down her foot, and she laughed out loud.

Holy poopies! Mommy is ticklish on her feet.

This is something that definitely needs to go into my memory bank as a Weapon of Mom Diversion.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I'm a lucky kid. I got to spend another day with my cousin Petra today, and this time, Mommy was extra lucky to be overwhelmed by our double-team of cuteness.

She watched us play with some toys. She watched us sing in unison. She saw Petra yell "Wy Wy!" and then she watched me respond by clapping. Then, before she dropped Petra off with Auntie Nessa, she had to put her car seat into the backseat. So as we drove off, she got to peek in the rearview mirror and see Petra and I hold hands. Then she got to see me flap my arms when my favorite song came on, and then she saw Petra imitate me. And then, when we arrived, she got to see Petra fall asleep, and she got to watch me watch her.

Mommy did a lot of watching, but then again, we put on a show.

And now I can't wait for the encore.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How Old is Wyatt?

How Old is Wyatt?

I will be one years old.

I know that.

And when you ask me that question over and over again, I'll eventually point one finger. But that's not because I know that one finger equals one year old. It's because I like pointing at the person who can't stop themselves from repeating the same question.

Monday, September 28, 2009

They Return

Mommy and I picked up Daddy at work, and immediately we drove up north. I had no idea where we were going until we drove into Gram and Grampa's house. But unlike the last time we were there, I noticed that their camper was parked outside. And then, all of a sudden, there they were. I couldn't believe they were back! I was so happy!

Welcome back, Gram and Grampa. We have a lot to catch up on.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sailor Wyatt

This morning, Mommy and I met up with Uncle Shannon, Auntie Nessa and Petra right by their boat in Tiburon. This was my first trip on the water, so Mommy put a blue lifejacket on me. I actually didn't mind it at all.

When we took off, I was somewhat skeptical. But I saw how brave Petra was, and before you knew it, I was loving it. I liked the wind blowing in my face and the water splashing on the boat. Petra was laughing and so was I. Even though we hadn't seen each other in awhile, we picked up right where we left off. Awesome.

We docked at Angel Island and played a little on the beach. I was playing with sea shells and with my shovel and pail. And then Uncle Shannon thought it would be funny if he buried me in the sand up to my armpits. And you know what? He was right. It was funny. I loved it.

I then slept in the bottom room while we sailed back to Tiburon. That is, until Petra woke me up. But that's okay. I didn't want this to end, but even as we approached the shore, there was nobody else I'd rather spend that time with.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Farmer's Market

Daddy took me to the farmer's market today in Noe Valley. He bought some grapes and some cantaloupe and some zucchini. There were kids everywhere enjoying the beautiful day and fresh produce.

There was also a musical area where a pink haired woman was playing an accordion. A bunch of kids older than me were sitting around her, watching her. And so did I. Except when she started singing a Cyndi Lauper song, I got up on my feet and started dancing.

Those are my true colors shining through.

Friday, September 25, 2009


Christina came back today, and she took me to a new playground we just discovered in the Castro district. It's got an outside play area and also an inside area with a bunch of cool toys and activities. This rocked. Of course, again, I was showing off for her. I hope she noticed. I wasn't doing this for my health.

Although I do think my flexing might have gone a little overboard.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


So although I dig the new milk, I don't think the new milk is digging me. I've been pushing and pushing, but I just can't poopie. It sucks. My face gets all read, and I grunt, and I hold on for dear life to Mommy or Daddy's fingers but nothing happens.

And when it does finally happen, it's big and hard and almost impossible to have come out of someone as small as me.

And then, some time later, we go through this process again.

So let this be the first (and probably not the last) time I say this: I swear to God, I promise, help me get through this and I will never drink again.


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Who's Watching Who?

With Gram and Grampa still gone, I need to be babysat while Mommy and Daddy were at work. So Christina came over. And I was a perfect angel, but to a point. I mean, of course I'm playing hard to get. That's the first rule of flirting.

Still, the charm school was in session, and I was giving a master class.

What, you expected me to do nothing?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Playing the Skins

Mommy came home from Costco with a new toy: a drum set. It's got one big drum and four different sticks and bells that wrap around my arms and something you rattle.

Of course, she couldn't put it down quick enough before I was banging it as hard as I could. I even sang along with it. It was music only to my ears. I'm no pro, but I can get used to this. I can see why people do this.

Even you, Ringo.

Monday, September 21, 2009


We'd been making the transition slowly, but today was the first day I switched fully from formula to organic whole milk. I feel like a grown up. Having your daily dose of food be a mixture of water and some mixture isn't quite as cool as taking out a glass jug and pouring milk into my bottle.

As for the taste, well, it's much richer and fuller. It's not as watery, and it's got a very specific smell. It doesn't taste like Mommy's boobies either. It's just different, but I've quickly gotten used to it.

Now when can we pour chocolate into this?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Olive's Birthday

We went to Olive's birthday party. She just turned one years old, but she's like half my size. I think that's because I'm of a freakish size, so I like to think of myself as her protector.

I played around on their grass and did nice to all the dogs that were there and made a mad dash to all the food that was lying around and I played with all new toys and I crawled and I laughed and I poured on the charm.

And when everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to Olive, I tried to sing along, but that's too many syllables to string together. But I clapped. Loudly. And put my hands in the air like I just don't care, but I did.

Happy Birthday, Olive.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

First Steps

We had a nice day today. Mommy and Daddy and I went to Gram and Grampa's house (even though they're still gone), and they invited Auntie Pua and Jackie and Jackie's mommy and Mommy's friend Mike. They just cooked some food and watch Jackie and I play around. She's just a couple of months older than me, so we can relate. She's so cute.

And she's a walker.

Okay, I've been practicing, but I really haven't had anyone to measure myself against. But here's Jackie going here and there without holding onto anything.

How about me?

All eyes on me!

So I did something that I was planning on doing: putting one foot after the other and walking from place to the next. Okay, I thought I was holding onto Mommy's skirt, but instead I was just holding onto a shirt, and I didn't realize I was walking on my own, but still, there I was and there I went.

And everyone clapped.

I was getting about 4 or 5 steps together, which seemed like enough.

But then Daddy had a stroke of genius and opened up his laptop and walked away from me. Now usually chasing the laptop would be enough for me. But on the screen was a giant picture of Megan Fox.

About twenty steps later, I had my woman.

And a standing ovation.

If they only knew I could have done that anytime.

Friday, September 18, 2009

With the Ladies

I spent a day today with a whole bunch of lovely ladies - Reese, Olive, their mommies and my Mommy. I was the only guy.

If that's the way my life is gonna play out, sign me up.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mommy's Birthday

Happy Birthday, Mommy. Although I got you a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses, I want you to know that they're just a small representation of what you mean to me. I don't have a job, so those flowers were the best I can do. I hope you like them.

You're the best.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


There's benefits to learning how to walk. I like being that high up because I can see where I want to go a lot clearer. And although I get around quickly on all fours, I think walking on two legs will pay off someday. After all, I see how quickly Mommy and Daddy get around.

But there's a downfall. And by downfall, I mean falling.

Today I hit my head when I fell down. It hurt. I cried. I had a nice bump. It temporarily sullied my masculine good looks. But it did make me look meaner. And I got through it like any tough guy.

But that's okay. It's no big deal. I think it comes with the elevated territory. And if that's the price to pay for being a big boy, then bring it on.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Do Nice

Daddy bought me a book that has doggies and kitties in it. But each doggie and kittie has a spot on them where I can touch their hair. So we've been practicing how to pet them and how to do nice.

No matter how much I want to grab their tails.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Playing with Penguin

When we were in Monterey, Granpda saw how much I loved the penguins, so he bought me a toy one. It's fuzzy and cuddly and cute. It has a pink beak for some reason, but I'm cool with that. And everytime I see it, I think about the great times I have watching the penguins in the aquariums I visit.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's quickly become my best friend. And I can't help myself but to lean to it and kiss it on its head.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Eli Jersey

Today Daddy and I commemorated the opening of the football season by both wearing our Giants jersies. Daddy wore his old school Strahan and I put on my brand new Eli. So we were Big Blue on both sides of the ball.

It was kinda cool, especially when my favorite team won.

And now I know what my Sunday bests will look like for the rest of my life.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Mommy's Return

I missed Mommy. It's only been two days, but I really realized how important she is to me. Not that Daddy didn't do a good job, he did, but it's not the same.

So when she came home, I mustered up the biggest smile I could possibly stretch.

But that wasn't a good representation of how I felt.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Daddy Day

With Mommy out on a girl's weekend, Daddy took the day off so we can spend some quality time together. He had it all planned out.

First, we went for a walk up 24th Street in Noe Valley. It was just a nice leisurely walk, and we checked out different hot mamas that passed us by. Okay, Daddy pretended not to look but that doesn't mean I had to be discreet. In fact, there was no debate. I am a single guy. That's how I do.

Then we went to the Discovery Museum in Sausalito. Now that was fun. We played in the sand and the gravel pit and then we took off our shoes and went into the kiddie play area. There was a crazy kid running around, but I stood clear. And there were places for me and Daddy to crawl and hang from and jump around.

Then I slept for about two hours.

Thanks, Daddy.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Mommy's Turn

Daddy and I dropped Mommy off at our friend Tanner's house. She was going on a trip to Napa with her friends from the Moms group. So all my friends - Tanner, Reese and Olive - were gonna be left at home with their Daddies.

I put up a big fuss when I saw her go. No offense, Daddy, but I love my Mommy. She's so good to me. And we have such a good time together. And it's not the same without her.

I know this for a fact. Mommy would never watch a show about football.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Bye Grandpa

Today, Mommy and I dropped Grandpa off at the airport. But I don't think he understood the point of it. When we drove away, I saw Grandpa still standing there, waving at us.

Grandpa, I'm not sure if you know the rules, but you need to go inside the airport in order to board the plane. They also need to pat you down sometimes.

That's how it works.

I thought everyone knew this.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Bench

Grandpa took me to Grandma's bench so we can spend some time with her. We sat there and fed the duckies. And we looked out into the lake. And Grandpa told me amazing stories about her. I barely knew her, but I really miss her.

But I'll never forget her.

Keep the stories coming.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Surrey Ride

I took my first bike ride today. Well, sorta. Mommy, Daddy and Grandpa rented a surrey, which is a huge bike that four people can pedal. And while they worked their tails off, I sat in a basket in the front with a helmet on and wind in my face, giggling the entire way down the beachfront drive.

My Gram likes to ride her bike, and she can't wait until I ride alongside her. I'm not there yet, Gram, but this was a good first step. Or pedal.

What I'm really saying is that Lance Armstrong better check himself.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The Secret Lives of Seahorses

Today we walked to the famous Monterey Bay Aquarium and saw a bunch of cool things. For example, we saw my friends the penguins being fed. There was a play area that allowed me to run around with other kids. I got wet playing in this little puddle. I saw schools of fish swim right past me.

And we got to learn about seahorses. They're cool looking fish that look like unicorns or something. And check this out: the Daddy is the one that gets pregnant. And Mommies like it when the Daddies have a beer belly. How cool is that?

For a couple of seconds, I thought about how cool it would be to be a seahorse. But truth be told, I'd want to be a penguin. Walk around funny. Play with kids. And be hand fed fish. Not so bad, huh?

But then again, if I can get the sound of a seal down, then look out. All bets are off.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Beach Bum

Today was glorious, so we decided to spend it on the beach. The water was really cold, but I still ran into it at ankle height. And there was plenty of sand for me to put through my fingers.

Daddy tried to dig a little pool for me, but we just didn't have the shovels or the know how to do a good job. So these two older boys came by and helped him out. They didn't have to. They wanted to. Hopefully, when I get to be their age, I'll be as nice as they were.

I gotta tell you, the beach is fun. Mommy and Daddy allowed me to run around and touch almost everything, from rocks to sand to water to wood to blanket to toys. It was as the beach made me free to roam and explore. I can get used to this.

Friday, September 04, 2009


Another weekend, another trip. This time, Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa and I drove down to Monterey where we stayed at our cousin's house. It's only a two hour drive, and I got to play with Grandpa in the back seat.

We got there just in time for dinner, and we ate at a restaurant where Mommy and Daddy ate last year. In fact, I was in Mommy's tummy at that time, so actually, even though this was officially my first time there, I'd actually had their food before.

Our waiter was really nice. He gave me a fork to play with. Those things are really intriguing.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Man Night

Tonight, Mommy went out and had dinner with her friends, which left all the men in charge of the house. So we got a chance to do men things, such as:

Watch baseball.

Hey, look, I'm a kid. I konk out sometime around 7:30. So although we men only spent a couple of innings together, it was cool. It worked for me. Testosterone was definitely being thrown around.


Wednesday, September 02, 2009


When Grandpa got tired of chasing me around today, he would lift me up and sit me on his lap on the glider and read me a book. It was great. I got to sit still for a second, and Grandpa told me a story. We all win.

And he told me that, when Daddy was my age, he would lift him up just like he did with me and read to him too. So it's like a family chain we just kept together. Maybe it's hereditary. Maybe it's just a fun thing to do. Either way, I'm honored.


Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Grandpa Again!

Grandpa flew back in from New York. I heard rumors that he was coming back to play with me, and I'd been practicing. We had a bromance last time he was here, and I remembered.

And when Mommy and I picked him up at the airport, he couldn't wait. Mommy gave him a hug and she put his luggage into the car because he already sprinted into the back seat so we could start playing right then and there.

If I had a pair of hedge clippers on me, I'd snap myself out of this car seat and give him a huge hug.

Monday, August 31, 2009


Mommy came back from Costco with an early birthday present for me: a horsie!

Okay, it's not a real horsie. But it looks like one. And when Daddy presses its ear, it neighs just like a real horsie. And it makes the noises like its walking. And it bops his head up and down. And it allows me to do nice on its mane.

And it'll probably let me sit on it, but fat chance of that happening right now.

It's not real, right?


Sunday, August 30, 2009


When I open my mouth and make a noise, Mommy puts her hand over my mouth and gently taps it over and over again. So instead of making one noise, I actually make two noises, one loud and one muffled.

It sounds like this: "AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh!"

Top that, Simon Cowell.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Ryan's Party

I was invited to my friend Ryan's party today, and I gladly accepted. Actually, I've barely met Ryan. We can't get our sleeping patterns to match up, but today, we played some.

In fact, Ryan's parents set up a sandbox in the corner, and that's where I shined. There were like five other kids in there with me, and everyone was doing their own thing, but together, we rose. I just liked being there with them. I felt accepted. I felt like I belonged.

We should do this again. Can I have everyone's contact information?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Crib Talker

I've gotten into the habit of talking to myself in my crib when I wake up. To Mommy and Daddy, it's just incoherent chatter. But if you were fluent in the language I speak, you'd know that important things were going down.

First I take roll to make sure everyone is present. Teddy bear? Present. Mexican Chicken doll? Present. Knicks Monkey? Present. Wyatt? Present.

Then we go over what I dreamt about last night. Usually it's something tame, usually Yo Gabba Gabba influenced. Then I line up what I plan on doing the rest of the day, as in time of naps, toys I'll play with, cabinets to open and whether or not to tease Mommy and Daddy with some sort of breakthrough they can brag to friends and family about. Then, when we're done with that, I'll give everyone present a pep talk to get them through the day.

At that point, I'll summon Mommy or Daddy to come and get me. But what they take as crying is actually everyone in attendance singing "Baba O'Reilly" by the Who.

Yep. It's true.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Bye Bye, Eh?

Gram and Grampa took off tonight for Canada. They like to take off and go on vacation a lot. I dig that. I mean, I miss them, but I like that they like to explore. One day, I'll be an explorer too.

Daddy told some jokes about Canada that even I knew were lame. Nice try, Daddy. But don't make fun of Canada. After all, they are America's hat.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sears Photos

Mommy took me to Sears to have my picture taken by an actual photographer and not by a Daddy who thinks he knows what he's doing. Reese was there too with her Mommy.

I think the photo shoot went well. Reese and I did some nice things together, really exploring the space. I hit a couple of moods in my shots but always kept it light. And I worked in some poses that I've been working on. All in all, I did some nice stuff today. Maybe a couple of these will work their way into my portfolio.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

New Walker

I've got this new toy that I can hold as I stand up and push it and it forces me to walk with it until I hit something like a chair and then Mommy and Daddy clap and I smile and then one of them turns me and the toy around and we walk again but maybe this time to the wall and they clap again and turn me around again and we go on like this for about five minutes and I only keep doing it because it makes them so happy.

And because I'm a ham.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Today, wrapped up in a riddle.

Q: What's green and slimy and endlessly running?
A: My nose.

Here's another one.

Q: What's green and slimy and endlessly wet?
A: Mommy's hands after she cleans me up.

She's the best.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another Family Reunion

We had another family reunion today, this time for Grampa's side, this time in San Rafael. We weren't there for long, and I met some new people, but what got my attention was watching Daddy have a catch with my cousin Roddy. They both put on their baseball gloves and threw a ball back and forth to each other. They did this for about 20 minutes. It looked like they were having so much fun.

I can't wait to grow up.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Truck Stop

We had a long drive back up to San Francisco from Hollywood today. Lots of traffic. Lots of stop and go. And I just wasn't digging the back seat or the music selection. C'mon, Daddy, you gotta revamp your playlists on your iPod. Pronto.

Anyways, we made a stop in Patterson, CA, wherever that is. We decided to eat at a KFC. It didn't look good and it didn't smell good. And the people there didn't really look too good either.

Daddy saw someone order a dish that had mashed potatoes layered with sweet corn and loaded with bite-sized pieces of crispy chicken. And, oh yeah, shredded cheese and gravy. It sounded good but it didn't look so hot. Daddy quoted one of his favorite comedians by saying it's "a failure pile in a sadness bowl". Sounds about right.

I'll just keep on with my mozzarella stick.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Mommy took me shopping for toys in Beverly Hills, which is a real nice place. They've got lots of shiny stuff there. And it's all clean too.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, toy shopping. I became infatuated with a toy car that I was wheeling back and forth and then putting in my mouth. But then, a beautiful woman saw me and smiled at me. She was totally checking me out. And then her daddy came by and walked away.

It wasn't until later that I realized that the man was actually her husband. And not only that, but that man was actually Rod Stewart. And you know what? I got it. I could totally see what that hot chick saw in a man that old.

I mean, what I'm saying is that I'd like to look that good when I'm 93 years old.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Mommy used to work for Extra!, and she took me to the set. I met all the people she worked with, and they were all really nice. It looked like so much fun to work there.

I even got to meet the host, who I am told is famous, and we took a photo together. I'm sure it'll be framed and put on his wall. Or on his dimpels. Or in the Peach Pit.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dinner with Mommy's Friends

Tonight I had dinner with some of Mommy's friends. Daddy was there too, but whatever. It was about introducing me, so I absolutely poured it on for them with the smiles and the chatter and the interaction. They ate it up.

Of course, like anyone in Hollywood, I had to make a scene. I didn't want my bottle at the restaurant. Who can blame me? And I was up after my bedtime, but then again, who isn't out here?

I jsut hope the paparazzi didn't notice.

Actually, I hope they did. I'm ready for the rags.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Los Angeles

This morning, Mommy and Daddy woke me up and we drove all the way from San Francisco to West Hollywood. Daddy's on a work trip, and he decided to bring us along with him. Mommy's gonna bring me around and introduce me to everyone she knows and everywhere important to her.

The drive was okay. There's not really much going on off the highway, that is, unless you love gas stops and open land. But when we hit Los Angeles, holy moly. There's lights and billboards everywhere. And cars. And beautiful women.

Did I mention beautiful women?

Because there are beautiful women here. It's like their commune.

All around.

High five.

Monday, August 17, 2009

First Step

Today, I took my first step. It was scary stuff. I felt like I was all alone out there. And I felt like I couldn't trust the world around me. But I did it. And although I fell on my bum right after, it was thrilling.

You're all in trouble now.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Mill Valley

Mommy and Gram had a baby shower today in Mill Valley. That's one of the places in the suburbs that we're thinking about moving too. So Daddy took me for a walk around the area.

We went to this amazing park where he put me on a swing. Usually, I'm okay with the swings. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan, but I get it. However, today we came up with a new game. Every time I swung near Daddy, I reached for his hat. And every so often, I would swipe it from his head. Good times.

Then we checked out a couple of different stores and restaurants, and an old woman came up to me and told me that I'm a handsome gent.

I can get used to this place.

Make it happen.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Today we had a family reunion in Saratoga. These were people on Gram's side of the family and I knew a slight majority of the people. But the others I'd never met.

Which meant I had to turn on the charm.

So I smiled. I clapped. I made sure I smushed food all over my face when I was eating. And I whipped out my new laugh.

Mommy and Daddy didn't ask me to do that. Gram didn't ask me. I just did it. I knew the spotlight was on, and I took center stage. Call it actor's intuition.

Or just me being me.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Pool With Girls

Today was the last day up in San Francisco with Katie and Buddha, which means it's pool time. So we went to our friend McKell's house and jumped in. I swam back and forth. I even dove into Grampa's arms. And I held onto the sides of the pool. It was just like San Luis Obispo. I had a blast.

So much so that when I was walking around the pool, I almost peed on Grampa's face.

Look, it wasn't my choice to walk around naked. I have no control over my bladder. So you can't be surprised when something like that happens. I obviously didn't mean it.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

Another Thing to Set the Record Straight

What does a cow say?


Even if I say "Mmmmmm", I know it's "Moo".

Agreed? Agreed.

Let's move on.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Land's End

Today, Mommy and I went for a hike on Land's End. It was great. With all the traveling and company we've had, the two of us haven't had time together in awhile. So we were really looking forward to this.

You know, this city is so beautiful that anything can be awesome. But because it was just me and Mommy, it was extra awesome.

Argh. Extra awesome doesn't do today justice.

There just aren't any words.

Thanks, Mom.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Gonna Get You

Daddy and I play a game where he says "I'm gonna get you" and then he chases me. When he catches me, he tickles me while saying "Nom Nom Nom" and I laugh and then I chase him. We could do this for hours.

But you know what's been happening? He hasn't been able to catch me. In fact, I'm gaining distance on him. I slow down because I want him to tickle me, but the fact remains is that the tickling would stop if I didn't.

Which means I got mad crawlin' skillz.

Or that Daddy's getting old and fat.

Probably both.

But let's roll with the former.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Best Doctor Visit Ever

Mommy took me to the Big Red Dot doctor to see about the big red dot on my cheek. Seems that it's no big deal, it's natural and it should be gone in four years.

So that's when they want to see me again.

In 2013.

Now that's what you call a model patient, huh?

Sunday, August 09, 2009

The Big Hike

We all went on a big hike today in Rodeo Beach. By big hike, I mean Daddy carried me in the baby backpack for the entire thing as they trudged up hill after hill after hill. He's a trooper for getting through it, and Mommy did offer to take me, but I kinda like how we shared sweat for a morning.

And yes, even though I was strapped in, you can say I mounted him too.

I hope the chicks saw me and my authority.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Play Day

With Uncle Shannon, Auntie Nessa and Petra away in Tahoe, Mommy invited all her Mom's group friends over their place for the weekend. I hope she got permission. This post might get her in trouble if she didn't.

Anyway, it was fun to chase and mount the chicks all day. Yes, that's what I do. I mount chicks. Don't judge me. I am a virile man full of confidence and swagger. I would wear Old Spice cologne if I could reach that high. And although I don't have a five o'clock shadow or a hairy chest, I come across as mas macho.

You cannot resist me or my wares.

I'll stop now.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Scary Night

We met up with all my friends tonight in Tiburon. They have a street fair on Main Street, and there are lots of kids and moms and beer stands and food. It's good stuff. And, tonight, my friends Tanner, Reese, Olive and Jack were here too. Even Katie and Buddha made an appearance.

But all of a sudden, I started vomiting. And not just the type that sputters out. I'm talking the one that hits you like water out a fire hose. I did it three times. It sucked. Mommy and Daddy were shaken up. It's a good thing everyone else went through this already. It's just a stage, but it's a stage I want to exit.

Unless I can make money from it. Like as a freak in a circus. Hey, if a monkey can throw poop at people, then I can spray them with vomit.

Actually, this is a bad idea.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Up at 5

I'm on this bit of a roll where I get up at 5 AM everyday. Mommy and Daddy have been trying to let me cry it out, but I will not be denied. I want their bed.

Right after their breaking point, they enter my room, pick me up and bring me in. But here's the thing: I don't care what time it is, but Mommy and Daddy do. And just because I'm ready to start my day apparently doesn't mean they are too.

So here's our compromise. They bring me to bed. They put the TV on. They buttress me inbetween their bodies so I can't go anywhere. And around 6:30, one of them gets up and tends to my needs.

That's how we do.

But it's not gonna last long. I don't think I can keep this up.

Don't tell them that.

I hope they don't read this blog.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009


Even though I just saw them, Katie and Buddha are up here for a visit. Gram and Grampa have them for an entire week. I've got them for the whole day today.

Mommy and Daddy tried their best to spend some time with them, but they are mine. I own them and they own me. We have a lot to plan for the rest of our lives, and it can't wait.

We've got a good head start on our world takeover.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009


They say pointing is rude, but when I do it, everyone claps. So is it rude or cute, or is it usually rude unless I do it, in which case, it's cute?

Because if that's the case, then you have no idea how much damage I can do with that superpower.

And I'll use it.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Bookin' It

Here's my first book report.

"Where The Wild Things Are" by Wyatt Tornello.

Max is bad. He's sent to his room. His imagination takes over. He becomes king. Wild things happen with wild things. He misses home. He returns to his room. His dinner is still hot.

The end.

Repeat 19 more times.

I love this book.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Grandpa's Birthday

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear Grandpa.
Happy Birthday to you.

Although I can't sing, I hope you understand that exact sentiment is shared by me though Mommy and Daddy's excruciatingly bad baritones and falsettos left on your voicemail.

And many more.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Now I Get It

So Mommy and Daddy ditched me today with Gram and Grampa so they can go off for a quick one day getaway to belatedly celebrate their anniversary.

Well, excuuuuuuse me.

Wait...that means I get to spend an entire day with Gram and Grampa, right?

I'm wondering if Mommy and Daddy can have an anniversary every weekend, 'cuz today was fun.

Friday, July 31, 2009


Tonight, Mommy and Daddy and I drove up to Gram and Grampa's house and we had dinner together. We had a nice steak, zucchini and potatoes. Daddy set a nice example for me and ate his greens. It looked delicious. Of course, all I had was the zucchini.

And the zucchini was really good.

I just can't wait to have Grampa's tri-tip. I've heard such great things about it. He's supposedly a master at cooking it. I can't wait to learn how to by his side, spatula in each of our hands, making small talk seem really big.

Or I could just download the recipe from Emeril.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

New Clothes

The bad thing about being so small is that when you grow, you really grow.It's noticeable. And there's nothing your clothes can do to stop it.

So you gotta get some new clothes.

Mommy likes taking me to the store and going shopping for me. She thinks about which shirts go with which pants and want statement am I gonna make with each outfit.

It's like she thinks I'm Suri Cruise or something.

Still, there ain't no paparazzi hiding in the bushes. I can dress down every so often. I can onesie it every blue moon. There's no shame in that.

But I do like being an icon of style.

Now excuse me while I pop my collar.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I'm getting used to this whole Skype thing. I now understand that I'm not watching television, and that Grandpa and other people aren't living inside the box. I understand that it's either technology or magic. Not sure which. Not sure if there's a difference.

But I like that I can interact with it, they can see me and me them. And whoever can make me laugh and I can put a smile on their faces, no matter how far they are from me.

But it makes me wonder if they can smell it when my diaper's full.

And if they can, is there a mute button for it?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Not Food

Mommy and Daddy have instituted a new phrase into my life. When I put something into my mouth that I can't eat, they say "Not food" and I'm supposed to put it down.

But I ask, how do you know it's not food?

Did the first person who ate a banana listen to the people who told him it was not food? Or the guy who saw a cow and thought, well that's an animal and not food, right? Or the fine people who make chocolate bars that look like something else entirely. Who was the brave soul who bit into that?

Just saying.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Clearing the Record

I would like to set the record straight, for once and for all.

How big am I?

This big.

Are we clear?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Alert the People from Guinness

What happens when it takes four different diapers to clean up a mess that was caused by a nine and a half month old?

A new world record.

Or, at least, it should be.

Because it was that rich.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Restaurant

We went back to the restaurant/bar today. Again, I was the life of the party. And again, I didn't have to show my ID to get in. That's what happens when you exude confidence. You appear older than what you are.

I mean, little did everyone in there know that I was actually young enough to be their kid.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Climb

Uncle Aaron and Auntie Jenn have a big house. And with a big house comes a lot of steps. And with a lot of steps comes a personal challenge to push myself to the upper limits of what I can do.

There's about 18 steps here, and it took every fiber within me to scale those heights, all without a net.

Now if I only knew how to get down.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dog Gone

I got a chance to meet Beau, who is the newest furry addition to the family. You would think that someone that's still a rookie would go out of their way to ingratiate themselves to everyone. I do. You think I'm just smiling and being cute just out of the goodness of my heart?

Anyways, what does Beau do? Well, to begin with, he stole Sophie. Yep, he put my giraffe into his mouth and ran away. My beloved Sophie. My best friend. Although we got her back, it just won't be the same. The trust has been broken.

But that's just the half of it. I began to realize that most of my toys were not in the same place where I threw them last. I know who to blame.

Look, Beau, let's get one thing straight. I like to forgive and forget and to give the worthy a second chance. So I'm gonna overlook these transgressions. But if I'm gonna meet you halfway, you gotta do the same.

Or I'm gonna pull your tail.

You heard me.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wake Up

This morning, Mommy and I snuck into Katie's room while she was sleeping. She threw me on top of her and I started giggling loudly. Katie jumped up, then saw it was me and we hugged.

I am the best alarm ever.

Then it was time to wake up Buddha. She's a heavier sleeper, so I had to bring more game with me. Again, Mommy and I snuck into her room. Again, she threw me on top of my cousin. Again, I giggled loudly. But then, I also draped myself on her and toppled myself over.

That did it.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

San Diego

Today, Mommy and I went on a vacation to San Diego to visit Uncle Aaron, Auntie Jenn and Katie and Haley and their new dog Beau and their new house.

Daddy had to stay behind and work.

I'll be thinking of you when I'm in their pool, swimming back and forth, basking in the always perfect weather and drinking a marguerita.

Okay, formula.

A man can try, can't he?

Monday, July 20, 2009


So I've got a confession to make.

I've become an addict of "Yo Gabba Gabba".

I don't know if it's all the colors, or the goofy dancing, or DJ Lance's fabulousness, or the strange celebrity cameos, or the other pieces that just don't fit, or that the kids who dance seem like they're doing it at gunpoint, or that the lyrics to the songs feel like they're being made up on the spot, or that the themes of the show have very little to do with the actual content of the show, or that someone actually created this and it made sense to them, but I'm hooked.

And so is Daddy.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


When Daddy gets on the floor to play with me, he rolls a ball to my right hand. I pick it up, put it in my mouth, then throw it back to him. Then he rolls it back to me.

We do this a couple of times together. Then we move on. And when I say "we move on", I mean I move on.

Still, it's fun. He moves slightly back with each throw, and I gotta say, it's more challenging but more rewarding too. I guess this is what they call "having a catch", and I guess we'll be doing this for a long time, or at least until Daddy's arm falls off.

That makes me happy.

Not his arm falling off.

But the game of catch.

His arm falling off makes me sad.

Unless it happens in a way that's hilarious.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Because Mommy got tired of shutting cabinest doors, she bought me a set of soft blocks for me to play with. They're really cool. They come in different shapes and sizes, and I can stack them up, hold them or put them into my mouth.

Sometimes, I do all three at once.

Also, Daddy gets on the floor with me and plays. He puts one block on top of the other until it rises up so high in the sky. I don't really like when this happens. I take it as a threat to my superiority. So what else can a man do than knock it down. Then I stare at Daddy and, if I could talk, I would say "What?"

Then you know what that silly man does? He builds another. And you know what I do? I knock it down. And he builds another. And again, it goes down. And so we go, on and on.

That's when I realize we're playing a game, and I seem to be winning. In fact, I'm blowing him out.

For I am the baby bulldozer.

Friday, July 17, 2009


I think people should change things up a bit. It keeps other people on their toes, and it adds spice to your own life. Change is good.

So I've changed my laugh. And what was once measured goes something like this. Hit it maestro.

Heh...Eee uhh eee uhh eee uhh...Heh...Eee uhh eee uhh eee uhh...Heh...(and so it goes).

It's working for me. Yes, it's a little Woody Woodpecker (or so I'm told; I have no idea who that is or why he's stealing from me) but it's now mine.

Don't steal it.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Grandpa sent us a photo of Daddy when we was my age. Then he pasted it next to a current picture of me.'re twins. Like, mirror images.

Even down to the "deer in the headlights" gaze. In fact, we just trademarked that look.

So, at nine months old, at least I know where I'm heading. That is, unless I keep in shape, in which case, all bets are off.

Hear me, destiny?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


As a ladies man and a tough guy, I don't admit to any kryptonite. In fact, to the naked eye, you might think I have none. I am relatively bulletproof.

Still, with that being said, I ask you to not tickle me behind the knee.

It's just a glitch.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Big Shoes to Fill

Although I'm just nine months old, I fancy myself as an overachiever. And that notion goes from the top of the head to the bottom of my feet.

Or maybe the sides of my feet.

When you go to a store to buy me shoes, I need to warn you about the chart they have about matching up months to sizes. It don't work for me. In fact, I fart in its general direction.

You see, I've got wide feet. Mommy comes from a family of the wide footed, and she passed down the legacy to me. So even though they length might work, the width doesn't. Unless you think bustin' at the seams is a good look. Or the unvelcroable.

Is unvelcroable a word?

It isn't?

It is now.



Monday, July 13, 2009


When I'm eating, I'm a man on a mission. I don't like to stop. I keep going. And I won't wait for anybody.

That's means you, Mommy.

So when you hear me grunting and moaning inbetween bites, it's not because I'm in pain. Or that something's bothering me. Or that I'm full.

It's because there's just no definition of the word "enough" that works for me. And that you need to work on your hand speed, because your feeding skills are lacking.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Open Shut

I've discovered these amazing new toys at home. They're called cabinets, and this is how they work. You grab the handle on the door and pull it open. It's that simple.

And inside, there's all these weird toys like pots and pans. I still haven't figured out what to do with them other than to pull them out and drop them on the floor.

Mommy doesn't seem too happy with my discovery.

But I am.

So I win.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Bad Smellin' Hotel Room

Usually when the room stinks up, you can blame me. I can fill a diaper like it's nobody's business. That's how I roll. You should know that.

But not this morning.

I don't know what happened tonight. I don't know what mixture of food and alcohol my parents consumed at the wedding. But after the pipe organ concert that was coming from their bums all night long, the room wound up a nuclear wasteland that only the noseless could survive.

It was harsh.

Seriously, what did I do to deserve this?

Friday, July 10, 2009

SLO Swimming

Today we drove down to San Luis Obispo for my cousin Travis and Kristin's wedding. It was a long drive, but I didn't mind. California is so pretty, even to someone like me who doesn't really know what he's looking at.

And San Luis Obispo is a sight to behold. Real nice place.

We checked into our hotel where our entire family was staying. And if that wasn't cool enough, our hotel also had a big pool. And if that wasn't cool enough, everyone brought their bathing suit.

Which meant we all got wet together.

My cousins Dylan and Tanner were there, swimming around, and I took their lead. As you know, I've been training, and although I couldn't keep up, I was in there. Especially when I swam back and forth from Dada and Grampa.

Good times? Nah. Great times.

Thursday, July 09, 2009


A dog is a furry animal that licks your hand.

A duck is also a furry animal, but it swims in a lake.

I know what they are. If they are in my presence, I can point at them.

And I know how to say them.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

End of Vacation

Although I am a now a rugged man of the wilderness, I am truly an urbanite at heart. So Gram and Grampa drove me all the way from Novato to San Francisco so I could hang out with Mama and Dada again.

And what a reunion we had. It's only been two days, but when you've only been around for nine months, that's a pretty long time.

I couldn't wait to see them.

They couldn't wait to see me.

And although it was a Wednesday, we partied like it was a Saturday.

A Saturday in 1999.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Sand Harbor

Today I went to this little alcove called Sand Harbor with Gram, Grampa and all my cousins. And guess what? It had sand. Endless grains of sand all around me. Every where I looked, there was sand.

Even though I have big hands for a kid, I actually have small hands in proportion to the general populace. But still, sand is even smaller, and I was able to pick up sand and let it fall between my fingers.

I must have done that seven or eight thousand times.

How you like me now, Laird Hamilton?

Monday, July 06, 2009

9 Months Old

Mommy and Daddy left late last night for San Francisco because they had to work, so they left me up here with Gram, Grampa and my cousins for extended play time.

And so I could celebrate my nine months old birthday at a pub called the Bridgetender.

How cool is that? How many infants can throw down a few cold ones during one of the nine most important days of their life so far? And how many infants look so mature that they don't have to show ID to get into a drinking establishment?

Boo. Yah.

Sunday, July 05, 2009


Today I got to have a huge play sessions with my cousins Evan and Ben. And by play session, I mean I stood up in my Pack 'n Play and stared at them intently while they ran around. It was fun. I mean, it was hypothetically fun, when I think about next year when I can run around and have 83% control of my limbs and be able to do coordinated things with other kids around my age.

I'm already planning stuff.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy Birthday America

I have no idea what that means other than I got to play on the beach and took a wagon ride with Petra.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Ball with Gabby

When I look around me up here in Tahoe, I see nothing but forest and grass and trees. And when I look at Gabby (Gram and Grampa's black lab), I think that I can't wait to be able to pick up a tennis ball and throw it as far as I can into the forest and grass and trees and watch Gabby chase after it and bring it back to me and then I throw it again and we do this for hours.

But for now, the game we play is Gabby drops a ball at my feet, I pick it up, Mommy takes it from me and wipes Gabby's slobber off of it and then she wipes the slobber off from my own hands, and then I pick it up and roll it at her and she picks it up and we repeat it.

It'll be better when I have a throwing arm.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

First Night in a Tent

So...nobody told me that I wouldn't have a crib and windows and walls up here in Tahoe. Instead, my crib is a Pack and Play. My window is a zippered flap. And my walls are made of nylon and mylar. This is what's called camping.

Tonight wasn't fun. I cried hard. It was scary. And it was cold. Mommy and Daddy put me in a onesie and my pajamas and two sleep sacks, but when I peed myself, the diaper got wet and the onesie got wet and add the wetness to the coldness and it just wasn't any fun for me.

But we'll work on it because I actually dig camping.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Bye Grandpa. Hello Tahoe.

Today we drove Grandpa to the airport because he had to go back to New York, where my cousins Nicky and Ava Rose are waiting for him. We had a blast together this past week or so. He held up to his end of the track meet, and because of that, we developed a bit of a bromance.

Have a nice flight, Grandpa. I love you and miss you already.

After we dropped him off, Mommy and I drove up to North Lake Tahoe (Daddy comes up tomorrow) to spend our annual Fourth of July weekend with Gram and Grampa and cousins and friends. I say annual, but for me, everything is just the first edition of what might become a tradition. But considering this has been going on for twenty years or so, I think this tradition is in the clear.

I've been to Tahoe before when it was all white. Now I've heard that it's all green with a big blue lake. Funny how things change.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Flirting with Auntie Pua

The best thing about being my age is that when I do something devious, it's excused that I'm not doing anything devious because I'm so innocent. And I gotta say, I know how that works and I use it to my advantage.

Case in point: Auntie Pua. She's my Aunt, but not really my aunt. So it's fair game.

Tonight, she came over our house wearing a dress. Now, considering that I kinda have a thing for my Auntie Pua, I wanted to impress her. So I was showing her how I can use the table to hold me up as I walk around it. And I did it. Actually, I strutted around just to show off a little more. Anyways, I got to her feet and fell to the ground. And when I got up, my head was looking up her dress.

Accidental? Innocent? Lucky?

Hey, I'm just a child.


Monday, June 29, 2009


I spend so much time with my cousin Petra that I feel that it's actually worth it to me to know how to say her name. The problem is that he name has two syllables, and right now, I can barely get through one.

So whenever I see a photo of her, I just say "Puh".

She gets it. I get it. Everyone gets it.

I do know that when I do get to second syllables, "Tra" will be the first one I conquer.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

More Swimming

Mommy takes me to swimming class and Grandpa's been there to see me. But Daddy's never seen me do my thing in the water. So today we went to our friend McKell and Kris' house, and jumped into their pool.

And Daddy go to see me do my thing.

He held my hands as I kicked my feet. He caught me as I jumped into the pool. He put me on his shoulders as we jumped around the pool. And he threw me up into the air and caught me.

All in all, a great day in the water.

But then again, when is it isn't?

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Three Things I Like

I like strawberries and blueberries. They are both very sweet. I like it when Mommy and Daddy cut them up into small pieces and they put it on the tray in front of me and I put it into my hand and then place it in my mouth and then chew it and eventually swallow it. I also like it when they don't make the trip into my mouth and it falls to my seat. And I like how the strawberries turn my hands and fingers red.

And I like how Daddy feeds them to me before the tofu, so it's like I'm having dessert before dinner.

You know what else I like? Wilco.

Mommy and Daddy went to Berkeley tonight to see them play in concert. The reason I'm bringing this up is that, much like strawberries and blueberries, I also like them. Daddy plays their music loud and I kinda dig them. I bop my head to their music. And one of their songs, "Walken", is on Mommy and Daddy's wedding CD that they play all the time in the car.

So yeah. Those are three things that I like, which makes things interesting around here.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Friday Nights on Main

Tonight was a great night. Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa and I went to Tiburon, where every Friday night they have a big street party on Main. All the stores and restaurants moved outdoors and there's plenty of pizza to eat and drinks to drink.

And that's where we met up with Gram, Grampa, Uncle Shannon, Auntie Nessa, Karen, Joe and, of course, Petra.

Petra and I played on the folding chairs. We ate some pizza (or, at least, I had some dough). We kissed each other on the cheek. She hugged me. And everyone looked at us and said how cute we looked.

It was like we took our own show on tour for a new audience.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Penguin with Grandpa

Grandpa and Mommy took me back to swim class. He got to see me go underwater and kick my feet and jump into the water like a penguin. It was awesome, really awesome. Usually it's just Mommy there and telling everyone about my exploits. But now here's someone else to verify everything. It's as if I am Michael Phelps and Mommy is NBA and Grandpa is like Bob Costas or Cris Collinsworth.

Or maybe Tiki Barber.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Bench

Grandpa took me to visit Grandma's bench. I like to go there with Mommy and Daddy, but it's extra special when I go there with Grandpa, just because they spent so much time together and I feel even closer to her by being close to him.

And with me just being eight months old, I've got the whole rest of my life to learn about her.

Which makes Grandma's bench more than just a place to swing and slide and feed the ducks. It's also a place for Grandpa to tell me amazing stories.

I'm listening, Grandpa. Tell me one.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Grandpa Granda Grandpa Grandpa Grandpa!

Today Grandpa arrived again from New York. This time, I'm much bigger and more coordinated and I can do more stuff. Like crawl. And play with my toys. And make some noises. And I can scratch your eyes out if you're not looking.

I've heard rumors that Grandpa has been working out to keep up with me.

He doesn't know the tornado that's about to hit him.

Welcome back, Grandpa. On your mark, get set....

Monday, June 22, 2009

Get There

I'm a simple man with great aspirations. I've gone from crawling Commando style to getting there conventionally and then using a turbo boost. But that's all child's play (pun intended).

What I really want to do is walk.

To get there, we'll have to take baby steps (again, pun intended). So Mommy or Daddy holds my hands as I lift myself up to my feet and then, one foot after the other, I begin to make my way. Right now, I can do six steps or so. Tomorrow, maybe ten. The day after, eighteen. And soon after that, no hands.

And from walking, I can then move on to running. And then, hopping. And then, flying. (Don't tell me I can't do that).

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day, which is when I'm supposed to pay tribute to Daddy, Grandpa and Grampa. And although I have no money to my name to get him something and I don't have the hand-eye coordination to make him something, Mommy and I have been working on something special.

And when he saw me this morning, I gave it to him.


He liked it.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Jackie's Party

Today we went to my girlfriend Jackie's house in Alameda for her first birthday party. She's got an amazing sandbox that I got to play in and we also splashed each other. It was flirting at its most subtle and cutest. We both got game.

NOTE: You might be wondering why I have so many girlfriends. Well, I don't feel that I should settle down with one chick when I'm so young and have so much to offer. So right now I'm just playing the field, seeing what's out there, surveying the land if you will and then rolling with it. That's how I do.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Petra's Party

Petra had her official birthday party today, and one of the attractions that Auntie Nessa and Uncle Shannon got for her was an amazing blowup house that you can jump around in. It was awesome. I saw Petra get in there, jump, fall down, laugh and then get back up again. All her friends did it. It was awesome.

But here's the problem: I'm too small to do any of that. I'm not coordinated enough to stand up on my own and I'm small enough that I might be trampled.

So all I want for my second birthday party is one of those blowup houses. That'll be a cool checkpoint to see how much I'll have grown by then.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Appetite For Destruction

Mommy took me to the Discovery Museum again today. But this time, I was with my two girlfriends Reese and Olive. So yeah, you bet this was a prime opportunity to impress them.

But hot studs don't have to try to impress. They just impress. And I am a hot stud.

Case in point: We were playing around near some rocker guy who was watching his own kid. He pointed me out and said, "Yo! Nice shirt!" referring to my vintage Guns N'Roses Appetite For Destruction album cover onesie that my Daddy bought for me.

Reese and Olive saw it happen. It was noted. They were impressed.

That's how I roll.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Next Time, Ry

I had the opportunity tonight to hang out with my friend Ryan while Mommy and Daddy visited his parents. I haven't spent much time with him, and I really cherished the chance to get to know him.

So I was excited. I had plans of crawling around with him and maybe both of us using his cofee table as a drum set. This was gonna be good.

Mommy drove by Daddy's office to pick him up, but truth be told, it was getting kinda late. I'm usually getting ready for bed by seven, and it was 6:45. Then it took forever to drive from one side of San Francisco to the other. And then it took awhile to find parking. And by the time I was taken out of the car seat and walked to the house and let in, well, I was just 13% awake.

Oh well.

At least I didn't feel as bad, considering that Ryan was just 0% awake.

Next time, dude.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Thia might not sound like the manliest thing ever, but I really like it when Daddy blows air on my back and on my stomach.

It gives me the giggles.

There. I've said it. And I'm standing by it.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Another Phelpsian Achievement

I went to another swim class today. I learned how to dive into the water. We call it "The Penguin". It's very fancy and I am now a professional at it.

And, most importantly, I also learned how to hold my breath and put my head underwater. Okay, you have to blow in my face first to get me to do that, but still, I'm eight months old. That's pretty impressive.

Take that, Phelps. Where you at?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Solidifying My Laugh

After months of trial and error, I've come to an important decision:

My official laugh will be three giggles, a loud inhale, five or six giggles, another loud inhale, three giggles, yet another loud inhale and a shreak.

Please adjust your anticpiation levels accordingly.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Advanced Bathing

Mommy and Daddy usually give me a bath in the kitchen sink. I sit in the basin, and they fill it up with water, and they give me a rubber duckie and I get all clean. It works for all of us, even though pulling on the faucet seems really appetizing (even though I'm not allowed to).

But I've gotten too big, which means I've become a big boy. And big boys bathe in the bathtub. Ba-Bam!

What does this entail? Well, they fill up a tub with water and bubbles. I sit down on some sort of mat. They give me a rubber duckie. So it's like the kitchen sink, except I can now move freely around. If I want to face Mommy and Daddy, I can. If I want to face the soapdish, well that's my prerogative. It's all about how I want to roll.

If I want to pee in the tub, I can. And nobody will know.

And I have.


Friday, June 12, 2009


Mommy dropped me off at Auntie Pua's place while she ran some chores, and that was a great opportunity for us to spend some quality time together. So she took me to Moscone Park and placed me in the swings.

I went back and forth, back and forth, and Auntie Pua pushed me.

I didn't cry. In fact, I put my brave face on. And occasionally, I threw her a smile. Yep, I was playing it cool, even when I swung so high that I had to soil my diaper just so I wouldn't sweat it. She can't see me sweat.

It's all a part of gradual flirting process with her.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A New Trick

I'm really getting used to my new crawling method. I'm breaking the speed limit whenever I get a head start. And I'm learning to make noises.

See, I used to sound like Mommy and Daddy's Prius, which means I was silent when I crawled. But that's no fun. And since the "rummmmmmrummmm" sound that other people's car makes is kinda advanced for me, I've decided to perfect something new: the crawl and fart.

Sure, you might snicker at the sound. I get that. And that smile might turn into a frown when the sound becomes a smell. I get that too. But if you think you can keep up with me now, wait until that that turbo boost I get from the propulsion of gas coming out of my booty.

You'll be left in my dust. Or digested yogurt extract.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


As many of you know, I'm a huge fan of standing up. But what goes up must come down, and falling down hasn't been easy.

But what I learned today is that my booty is meant for more than squeezing, pooping and shaking. It's also meant for cushioning.

So as long as I stick out my bum and let gravity take its course, I can go from standing up to crawling speed in record time.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Secret Plan

I learned something today: Mommy and Daddy don't like to wake up early.

I mean, they don't mind waking up to pick me up and bring me to bed with them. But that's about as far as their dedication goes. I'm expected to go to sleep between them and wake up at a respectable hour, like say 6:30.

But what if I want to wake up and stay up at 5:15?

Well, Mommy and Daddy barricade me between their bodies and put Noggin on the TV. So I get to watch the telly all by myself for an entire hour while they continue to sleep.

How cool is that?

Now if I only knew how to work the remote, I'd might be able to watch something a little more substantial. You know, like ESPN. Or the NFL Network. Or the NBA channel. Or MLB TV.

Monday, June 08, 2009


Before I was even born, Auntie Sue and Uncle Mike bought a monkey bean bag for me. For months, it's been sitting in my room, right next to my crib, and it's been as hard as a rock. But every so often, Daddy will sit on it, and before you know it, the bean bag became soft.

And, today, he brought it into the living room.

With my new crawling technique down, I'm able to get anywhere I need to at rapid speeds. And suddenly, this bean bag is now in my play domain, and, you know, I gotta check it out. Make sure it's a friend. Give it the okay to even be here.

So I crawled to it, grabbed onto the monkey ears, pulled myself up, stared at the monkey eye to eye and stared it down.

Then I fell down.

And then I pulled myself up again.

And then I fell down.

And then I pulled myself up again and realized how much fun this is. I mean, it's soft, it squishes, it's big enough to present a I looked at the monkey eye to eye one last time and said, "Monkey, you can stay. You are my friend."

And that's how the monkey made it to my living room.

In case you asked.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Another Uncle Jack Connection

Today was Uncle Jack's party, so we all went to Gram and Grampa's house to celebrate. I got to spend some more time with Uncle Jack. We were both wearing newsboy caps. I had mine on because I look really cute in it. He was wearing his because I think he actually has a route around here when he visits.

Or so I'd like to believe.

Mommy and Daddy brought me in the hot tub, and I got to swim with my big cousins Dylan and Tanner. It was fun. What made it even more fun was that Gram bought me a green swimmy thing that keeps me afloat. So Mommy and Daddy have their hands free, which means they can tickle me in the hot tub. And, just as important, that makes me independent.

Or so I'd like to believe.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

My Eight Month Birthday

Today I turned eight months old.

That's two-thirds of a year.

That gets me within striking distance of being a toddler.

So suck on that, newborns.

Friday, June 05, 2009

A Farewell to a Friend

My good friend Beckett is moving from San Francisco to Grandpa's hometown of New York. So although I will see him again, I won't have the chance to see him whenever I want. And that makes me sad. Because he's a year older than me and he's all been there, done that.

So Beckett, until we're both old enough to write letters or type e-mails or have Facebook accounts or to follow each other on Twitter, I'm just gonna have to learn from you whenever I see you, like three times a year or so. Until then, keep everything you're doing in your head and remember to tell me everything, mostly because I look up to you and refer to you for guidance.

Because I'll be listening.

Also, in New York, when you point with your middle finger, it's okay. People there do that all the time.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

No Mo Commando

I've become very adept at crawling recently. But I feel like my form could use some work. I mean, if I were to join the Marines, I'd be able to sneak anywhere undetected, even a desert. But it takes a toll on my tummy, always scraping on the floor wherever my arms and legs take me.

So, with the help of late-night bench presses with a Beanie Baby, I've gotten my arms a little stronger, and my abs are now six-pack tight, and I've gone from Commando to Conquerer of the Pushup Position.

Which means that, when Mommy and Daddy are on all fours, we're all the same speed.

Advantage: Me.

Especially when I hit my Turbo button.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Lil Michael Phelps

Today I had my first swim lesson. Now, I've got loads of experience in hot tubs spanning from Novato to Tahoe. But this is the big time. I mean, it's like four feet deep!

Mommy got dressed up in her bathing suit and jumped into the pool with me. I had my trunks on with my swimming diaper and all my muscles pumping. I learned how to kick my feet and to extend my arms.

I'm not saying that Michael Phelps' 14 gold medals are in jeopardy.

But I do wonder where he was at eight months old.

Playing Ball with Gabby

One of the nice things about Tahoe is that we're surrounded my forests, which means that Gabby the black lab can run around wherever she wants. So I had the opportunity today to play ball with Gabby.

However, here's the thing: I don't have much of a throwing arm. In fact, all I can really do is roll the ball. But I look all around me and see all this space and I think that, when I do learn how to throw a ball, how much fun it's gonna be.

Until then, Gabby drops a ball at my feet, I pick it up, Mommy takes it away and wipes the slobber off of it and also off my hands and then gives it back to me and I roll it back to Gabby. And repeat.

Fun now, yes, but wait until I'm able to really let it go.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

The Play Area

Mommy came home today with a new big gift for me, but for once, it's not a toy.

Instead, it's a place for me to play with toys.

Mommy and Daddy cleared out the dining room area (which, I'm told, was once the office) and laid down some soft interlocking tiles on the floor. When they were done, it made a huge square filled with different colors. And then, they put my toys on top of them. So I now have a comfortable place for me to play with my toys, fall down, crawl around on and, well, it's my spot. This is where I do what I do.


I can't wait to chew up every inch of it.

Monday, June 01, 2009

The Picture Book

Grampa bought me a picture book. I love it. It's got one hundred pictures in there, and he points to each one and tells me what it is. There's a photo of a penguin, socks, doggy, smile, lamp, chickens, rubber duckie, boots, computer, TV, broccoli, ducks, cow, horsie, keys, clock and a motorcycle that I've been informed that I'll never be allowed to ride.

Grampa asks me to kiss the other babies that are in the book, and I do it. I place a big fat wet one right on their cheeks.

Even on the ugly ones.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Uncle Jack

Today I got to meet my Uncle Jack. Actually, he's my great uncle, and he flew in all the way from Osaka to meet me. Well, meeting me is one of the perks of visiting the States. That, and Papalote burritos.

Anyways, he dug me and I dug him. I got to pull on his beard, which I liked. And he liked that I laughed at all his jokes. We had a silent understanding, a mutual connection that benefited both parties.

We're gonna get along.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Petra's Party

Today was a small birthday party for Petra at the Aquarium. I've been here plenty of times before, but I learned two things:

1. The fish have a different look when you're looking at them from Grampa's shoulders.

2. They have this place called the Kidz Zone. I think it's spelled Kidz with a "z" because, well, who knows why. Anyway, us kidz (me and Petra) had a blast. We crawled around this little play area, chasing each other and exploring new places. We even did some climbing. We tore that place up, yo. Not one inch of that Zone didn't have either one of our fingerprints.

One old standby, but two new features. It's like Petra gave me two gifts on her birthday.

What a peach.

Friday, May 29, 2009

My First CD

We've decided to expand my musical repertoire past Xavier Rudd. So Mommy got a CD of kids songs like "Five Little Monkeys" and "Old McDonald Had A Farm" and "The Wheels on the Bus".

I think it's got big potential here.

I think there's a great chance I will listen to this so much that it will drive my parents up a wall.

And I think there's an even greater chance that they will not realize that they could play anything and I'll like it just because I'm responding to melody and not to silly lyrics.

So I'm just playing along.

Rock on, creepy singing guy with a chorus of children.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

First Word

Grampa had me working on this all day long, and when Mommy picked me up today, we had a surprise for her.

I said "Mama!"


She was so happy with what she was hering that she didn't realize that I was looking at the flowers when I said it.

Hey, just because I can pronounce it doesn't mean I can define it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Fluffy B

Auntie Sue got me this doll that I'm very suspicious of. It's a chicken, I think, but it's dressed like a rapper and when you press his hand, he begins to dance and he sings "Tootsie Roll".

What the flip? Dolls ain't s'posed to do that. They're supposed to sit there and let me touch them. This one's got demons in it.

I hate this toy. And yet, I'm very intrigued by its failure to adhere to the rules of society. You are a doll. Behave like them and do nothing.

But how do you do that?

Do it again.

No, stop!

Do it again.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Walk This Way

Mommy, Daddy and I had to babysit Reese because her parents went to the ballgame. So I got some solid one-on-one time with the cutie.

And she showed me up.

She does this thing where she can hold onto a table and pull herself up. Me? I'm just a crawler. What she does is like magic. Or a trick. Or an illusion.

I can do that too, right?



Okay, I've got a couple more days until I see Reese again. This gives me something to work on. I have the guns. I have the willpower. And I will impress her.

Oh, I will.

Monday, May 25, 2009


While Mommy took me out on a bunch of errands, Daddy stayed behind and babyproofed the house.

And I, for one, am insulted.

Let this be clear: I am not a menace to society or households. I do not look for trouble. I aim to not be a nuisance or a messmaker. This is not me. This is not who I aspire to be.

So there's really no reason for Daddy to secure the bookcases to the wall.

I promise not to pull them down.

Okay, I can't promise that, but that won't be my intention.

Okay, maybe it's a good idea that he did that.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


Mommy and Daddy took me to a winery in Sonoma where I got to play with all my Mom's group friends. Petra was also there with Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa.

We had a tent. We had wine (or, at least, they had wine and I smelled it on their breaths). I got to nap, just like Uncle Shannon did in the middle of our circle. I hung with friends and played with toys. I smelled barbecued ox, and when I begin to eat meat, I'm sure I'll like that. And I had nowhere to go and all the time to get there.

I think I can dig the life on a winery.

Except I won't drink any flipping Merlot.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Taste Test

Today I had a taste test: My foot vs. Daddy's finger.

Here's the tale of the tape.

My foot: clean, soft, almost tasteless and with a sharp nail but that's okay.

Daddy's finger: cleanish, sorta hard, salty and with no nail.

The winner: My foot.

Sorry, Daddy. You're gonna have to raise your game to match my appetite.

Friday, May 22, 2009

They Deserve It

Today is the anniversary of Mommy meeting Daddy for the first time. Little did they know that two years later, they'd have an adorable ball of joy who likes to blog.

So Reese's parents watched me while Mommy and Daddy went out to celebrate.

Good for them. They earned it.

And thank you, Mommy, for not rejecting Daddy that day.

Seriously, thanks.

I mean it.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Beach Bum

Today, Gram took me to the Marina and I got to play in this thing they call sand. It's amazing stuff. It's grainy and I can put it into my hand and watch it fall between my fingers. And there's miles of this stuff!

And the thing about sand is that it leads to a big pool of water that I thought would be amazing to crawl in to so I took off to see if it's just as much fun as the bathtub.

Except that water isn't perfect. In fact, it's really cold. I don't think I like it that cold. And just like that, I didn't want to be in the water anymore.

But that's okay. I've got so much sand to play with, so much sand to almost get in trouble with, so much sand to get on my sweater and pants.

And, you know, in my diaper.

That's my roadie.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Baths are fun. I get to play with my rubber duckie and I'm in the water and I'm surrounded by bubbles. Good time always had by all.

Especially me.

And especially when Mommy yells "Whoa!"

And especially when I laugh because that's a funny word.

And especially when she yells it again and especially when I laugh even harder.

And especially when there's another "Whoa!" and even harder laughs and on and on until I forget I'm even in the tub or that there's such a thing like a rubber duckie because it's just me and Mommy having a blast and that's the only thing that matters.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I've now got six feet (four on the upper, two on the lower) and they do some amazing things. For one, they chop up my food into tiny pieces so I can swallow. And if I lean my head back, my mouth opens and I show my teeth and that makes Mommy say what a cute boy I am.

The other thing I've learned is that I can grind them. And it's loud.

Mommy and Daddy aren't into this new hobby of mine. But I'm just getting to know my body and what it can do and this is, you know, fun,

Sometimes, I'm grinding the melody of a song I know. Sometimes, I'm just sharpening my teeth for an upcoming meal. And sometimes, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

But most of the time, to be honest, I just do it to drown Mommy's singing out.

Don't tell her, though. She thinks she sings like Mariah Carey.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Ergo, Therefore I Am

Just when I got used to the Baby Bjorn, and just when I fell totally in love with the Baby Backpack, Mommy unleashed a new carrier on me. It's called the Ergo, and Mommy loves it.

I'm getting used to it.

Here's my review.


1. I hang lower, so it's easier on Mommy and Daddy's back.
2. I get to look right at Mommy's boobies.
3. I have a little personal space and I can look right and left.


1. My bum might get peed on by Daddy if he's not careful.
2. Not digging the maroon color. Maroon doesn't have an edge.
3. I can't look out at what Daddy's about to walk into.

Still, when you weigh them out, the positives are a lot more positive than the negatives are negative. So hello, Ergo. Nice to meet you.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I See Naked People

Mommy and Daddy took me to Bay to Breakers, which is a huge race/parade where the citizens of San Francisco gets to show how clever they are. People dress in funny outfits. They hold witty signs. They do crazy stuff. And they drink incredible amounts of alcohol.

And old and fat hippies walk naked among them.

Not cool.

Look, I've been using these eyes for seven months now, and I didn't want those images burned into my memory.

It was almost too late until I began to look at all the hot, young, sexy and barely dressed chicks partying around me. They outnumbered the hippies 15 to 1. When I close my eyes tonight, they will be ones I see.

Anyways, I had a blast, and this parade made me proud to be a San Franciscan. I kicked my feet and flapped my arms whenever a strangely-clad stranger made me laugh. It was awesome, even though I heard Daddy tell Mommy that this was the last Bay to Breakers he was taking me to until I got old enough because he didn't want to answer "awkward questions".

I get it, Dad. Even though, for some of the naked people, there's just nothing left to ask.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Mommy took me to Oysterfest while Daddy went to the Mets-Giants game with Grandpa. It was in Fort Mason and it was hot. Real hot. Like strip down to my onesie hot. Holla!

And the nice thing about it was I was able to scope out the ladies. Sure, they were cheesy, but since it was hot out, they wore less than normal, and me likey likey.

But of all the chicks that were there, my attention was only for Petra. My cousin and I played and laughed and clapped together under the hot sun. We were the only two people in our world, and nothing else mattered. Sure, there was music playing and people partying, but we were just laying down on our play mat and having a blast together.

That's the way things are always gonna be.

Friday, May 15, 2009


Mommy took me to a bar for a surprise birthday party for our friend Steve. She had me strapped to her in her Ergo, and we were in there for about an hour. It was dark and it smelled of Anchor Steam. There were people there mingling with each other while drinking out of glasses. And the Mets-Giants game was playing on a TV in the corner.

And yet, this felt odd.

I mean, I'm just seven months old. I don't have any idea to prove that I'm 21. Heck, I can barely pass for 1. I have no idea how I got in. I was severely underdressed. And although I have serious game with chicks my age, and although chicks in their twenties do dig me, I don't have enough game to seal the deal. Like I said, I'm just seven months old.

Not that I'm complaining. Bars seem fun, probably a lot more fun when I'm older.

I can't wait to go to one when I'm older and lie later to my parents about my whereabouts.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Gooch

I'm getting a reputation.

Seems that word's getting around that I like to play rough. That I like to grab. That I might not know how to play nice. That I'm a bully.

Well, let me set the record straight. I don't intend to play rough. I grab because I'm curious. I want to play nice, and I am not a bully. I just don't know my own strength, and this whole "using my arms and hands" thing is fairly new and I don't quite have the hang of it.

So please don't judge me until you've crawled a mile in my diaper.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Feet First

When Grandpa watches me, he likes to take me to the children's play area at Golden Gate Park. There's a carousel there, but I'm too small to ride on it and it might give me vertigo. And there's monkey bars there too, but that would be a scary drop and although I climb over Mommy like a monkey, this is different. So I'm relegated to the slide, which I'm getting the hang of.

The first time I did it, Grandpa held me as I went head first, and I gotta say, even though Grandpa was there, I really wasn't digging this. Hearts would break if I messed up this face.

So we flipped the script and he had me go down feet first, which I've heard is also the proper way to slide into second base. And although I was using my feet to stop along the way, I dug it. My feet hit the sand and I wanted to do it again do it again do it again.

Slides are now my friends.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Adults do this thing called clapping. It involves smacking the palms of your hands together repeatedly in order to make a sound. The reason you do this is to show some appreciation for something that someone did.

I learned how to do this. It's kinda easy.

But you know what's weird? I get the opposite reaction. I clap to appreciate something. But then whoever is watching me clap then claps because I clapped. So they are appreciating me clapping even though I am only clapping because I'm appreciating something else.

But they're only clapping because I'm clapping. They couldn't care less for what I'm clapping for. There's no transference here. It's a broken chain of clapping.

I'm still gonna clap. It's fun, and I like it how, when I do it too much, it numbs my hands.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Play Date

Today I had my first official Play Date with Reese. She's a nice chick, and she's cute and our parents like each other, which would be awkward if they didn't, and she thinks I have an edge, which I do because I had my fauxhawk, and she laughs at my jokes I think, and I like the way she sneezes and maybe we'll see each other again, who knows, I don't want to rush anything.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today is Mommy's day, 24 straight hours where we celebrate all things Mom. I, for one, have a great Mommy, but you all knew that.

But with this being Mommy's Day, it all falls on Daddy to make it work. And he did a good job. Sorta.

He made her a nice breakfast and even fed me some avocados in the morning. Check.

He played with me while she went to the gym. Check.

He planned a nice day at the Art Store where the three of us can make art. Mommy loves stuff like this. Check.

He didn't bring a bottle with him. Demerit.

He got Mommy's lunch order wrong. Demerit.

He couldn't get me to stop crying. Demerit.

He took an extra half hour to finish his "masterpiece". Demerit.

But then, at night, he went home and cooked a fabulous dinner and fed me my bottle. Check and check.

The reason I'm telling you all this is that, even though Daddy had as many demerits as he did checks, Mommy knew he was trying. And she knew his gift to her was to spend an entire day together. And those things meant more to her than anything else. That's what makes her an amazing Mommy.

Love you, Mom.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Boys Night Out

Mommy, Gram, Auntie Sue and Cousin Michelle are having a Girls Night In, which is a perfect opportunity for Grandpa, Daddy and I to have a Boys Night Out.

Here's what happened. We picked up Daddy right off the highway where his friend dropped him off. We then went to a bar/restaurant called Finnegan's where they had pints of beer while I had 8 ounces of Similac. We watched the Lakers vs. Rockets game. And then I fell asleep sometime during "I Fooled Around And Fell In Love" by Elvin Bishop.

So, to recap...Boys Night Out is fun I guess.

Although I bet it really ramps up when I get a fake ID and learn about strip clubs.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Meeting Wes

Today I got a chance to finally meet my lifelong friend Wes. He was just born a couple of weeks ago, and he was a couple of weeks early, so he was tiny. But he was also really cute, and I mean that in a "it's totally cool, bro" type of way.

I was kinda loud, doing my share of cawing in the room. The adults in the room couldn't make out what I was saying, and that was the point. My words were for Wes alone, and they were golden nuggets of advice.

I told him that a diaper change is a perfect time to pee in someone's face.

I told him that it's okay to make believe you don't know what's happening if it causes an adult to look like an idiot.

I told him that when drinking breast milk, if you swoosh it around your mouth before you swallow, the aftertaste kinda reminds you of tangerines.

And I told him that if he ever needs anything, I'm not too far away.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Kids Club

Essentially there's this thing going around called swine flu that's got everyone up in arms. I overheard Mommy and Daddy talking about it, and although they think it's a crock, they said it's a good reminder for them to take extra precautions with me.

So Mommy took me to 24 Hour Fitness today so she could work out. They have a Kids Club there, and a professional babysitter watches me so Mommy can exercise. There's toys all over the place, more toys than I know what to do with.

But you know what I was forced to play with?

My toys from home that Mommy brought with her that she knew were germ free.

Mommy, that's not a precaution. That's paranoia. I mean, look! That toy has blinking lights, and that one makes a noise, and that one looks like an elephant. How can something as fun like those things be mean enough to give me swine flu?

Although that two-year-old does look suspicious.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Seven Months Old

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to Wyattthemosthandsomestandfunnestkidinthewholeworld orsoiamtoldwhoclappedthroughthisentiresonnnnnnnnnng.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Time Zones

It seems like there are these things called time zones. New York is in one of them. San Francisco is in another. So 4 PM in New York isn't 4 PM in San Francisco. It's actually 1 PM.

Makes no sense to me, to be honest.

But it makes sense to Mommy and Daddy. So when we leave on Friday at 4 AM in San Francisco, that's actually 7 AM in New York. But it seems early to us because it's 4 AM. And when we leave New York at 4 AM, it's actually 1 AM in San Francisco. So they thought 4 AM was early, then this is a bombshell.

So their bodies are confused as it is.

But look at me. I have no idea what's going on, but suddenly, I'm not getting my full sleep at night. And now my naps are confused because I have to catch up somehow. And now I have no idea what time I fall asleep later. And then I might confuse the sleep with a nap and want to play when Mommy and Daddy are asleep.

This isn't theoretical (I know that word). This actually happened.

So now I know what time zones are.

They suck.

Monday, May 04, 2009

New York City

Today, Grandpa took us for a tour of New York City. It's an amazing place with lots of big buildings and taxicabs and tourists and hot dog vendors. We went all over the place, like to St. Patrick's Cathedral and 30 Rock and Carnegie Deli and then to the World Trade Center. Plus, I got to see all the buildings that Grandpa worked in.

It was a big day.

I think I can do the city. There seems to be a lot going on, and with me being the curious sort, I think it feeds right into my personality.

And it fits into my already established persona of staring at and flirting with every hot chick that walks on by.

New York City ain't lacking in them.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Water On My Head

This morning was my big day. Mommy dressed me in my best suit and she, Grandpa and Daddy took me to Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's house. And not only were they there, but also Gram and Grampa and Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa and Auntie Jenn and Uncle Joe and Alana and Al and Linda and Lisa and Ralph. And not only Nicky and Ava Rose but also Petra! It was almost all of my favorite people in one house at once. It was awesome.

We then went to something called a church where there was a huge ceremony and, at some point, Daddy and Mommy took me to the altar where a man in a robe poured some water on my head. He said that I was joining God's family.

So I waved.

Later that night, we had a big party. I got to meet a bunch of Daddy's relatives for the first time. They're so much fun and they all wanted to hug me and kiss me. I mean, we just met and they already love me so much.

So today, I joined one family and met another.

Not bad for a Sunday.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

The Staten Island Zoo

Today, Grandpa, Daddy and I went to go visit Grandma. Daddy glued a photo of me, Nicky and Ava Rose on a stick and put it right by her so she can always see us. She's got a nice view of a park with a lake and also the Staten Island Zoo, which is where we went right afterwards.

It's a small but nice zoo. I saw some reptiles and some birds, but I really loved the shark tank. They swam right up to me and I waved.

I also liked the emu because I heard Daddy say, "Emu" and I thought it sounded funny. I also waved at them.

They also had a Clydesdale horse. I thought it was smug and arrogant because it didn't give me the time of day. I didn't wave to it.

The point is that I had a great time with a lot of arms flapping and legs kicking. And I know that each time I go visit Grandma, I can also go to the Zoo.

So it's like she's still making me happy.

Friday, May 01, 2009

My Airline Tradition

We woke up before the sun rose to head out to the airport to fly to New York City. But this time, Gram and Grampa came with us. So we all woke up at 4 AM and headed to the airport.

At that early hour, things went really smooth. Security check was a breeze. The terminal was right there. And we boarded without incident, all of us in one entire row on Virgin America.

But then something happened over Utah.

You know what happened.

It always happens.

Sorry, Utah.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Dude Who Scoots

I'm getting to the point where sitting still doesn't work for me. I'm an inquisitive man about town. I do not want to be on a need-to-know basis. The world is mine to explore, and I'm determined to let nothing stop me.

So I've begun the process of learning to scoot.

I put myself in a pushup position. I then lean forward and hit the ground face first. Then I pick myself back up and do it again. Before you know it, I've moved five whole inches.

Doesn't sound like much, but it's more than what I had before.

And the stronger I get, those five inches will become a foot. And that will become a yard.

Put ten of those yards together, and I'll have a first down.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Hands...What a Concept!

Coming from a family that's half Italian, I'm learning that a perfectly acceptable way of communicating is by using my hands. Daddy is so good at it, he can sometime communicate with only one finger.

But since I'm almost seven months old but not quite, I'm just working on using my hands.

The first trick I've learned is to high five. That means great job. When someone shows me the palm of their hand, my job is to touch it. Pretty simple stuff. And it gets a great reaction. Good times.

The other trick I've learned is to wave. Waving means hello. It also means goodbye. And I can achieve it one of two ways: by turning my wrist like a windshield wiper, or by opening and closing my hand.

Sometimes, I forget to do it, but I'm learning that adults don't. In fact, they do it until I do it in return. It's a nice tradition.

But here's a dirty little secret: When they wave at me, sometimes I just stare at them, as if this whole greeting thing is a foreign topic to me. But it ain't. I just want to see how long they'll do it until they stop.

The record is 43 seconds.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


There's something thrilling about having your food fed manually to you. Yes, it's also a form of sloth and gluttony, but still, if you got it, you can't really complain. But I've got these arms and hands that I'm just beginning to control, and when I see things being done to me that I can handle, well, that's just not cool in my book.

So whenever Mommy and Daddy try to feed me, I just put my hands to my mouth. This is my job, I tell them. Let me handle this.

So they put the handle of the spoon in the palm of my hand, and I go on my business of putting food in my mouth.

And my cheek.

And my neck.

And my ears.

And my forehead.

And my hair.

And in my lap.

Hey, I didn't say I was a professional.

Monday, April 27, 2009


Grandpa bought me this basketball hoop, and although I've been taking notes from watching the NBA Playoffs with Dad, I still need a lot of work. I'm no LeBron or Kobe right now. But I'm getting there.

I've heard rumors that Mommy and Daddy were really good on the hardwood. But looking at them, I can just assume it's all that: rumors.

Anyways, I'm working on my form. Actually, I'm working on just holding onto the little basketball that came with the set. Right now, I can lift it up to my chin, at which point, it goes into my mouth.

At some point, I'll dunk it. With two hands. And hang on the rim. Then scream. With authority.

And when I'm done, I'll look at everyone who tried to stop me and eye them down to let them know that they can't. It's impossible. I am a force of nature on the hardwood.

Until then, it tastes good.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Spa Me

So Mommy and Daddy dropped me off at Gram and Grampa’s place, then drove up to Calistoga for a two-hour massage?

What about me?

I’ve got modern-day stresses too!

Sometimes I look around and I can’t find Sophie the Giraffe.

Sometimes I dream that Mommy’s boobies go dry.

Sometimes the poop in my diaper scratches my bum.

Sometimes when I hold myself up, I think that I’m gonna fall right back down, but on a floor of tacks.

Sometimes the pain of teeth bursting through my gums makes my entire body hurt.

Sometimes Xavier Rudd is not on the radio and that freaks me out.

See, Mommy and Daddy, it’s not easy being me either.

So where’s my mud bath?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Too Last Minute

Look, I don't own a watch. I don't even really comprehend the concept of time. But it seems like I know what I want when I want it, and it usually happens around the same time every day.

At 7pm, I like some boob milk.
At 7:30, I'd like my bath please.
At 7:45 or so, I take down some formula.
And around 8pm, I go to sleep.

That's how I do.

And that's why, Mommy and Daddy, it's not a great idea to make a last minute decision to go out for dinner at 7pm when I've got my own stuff going on that needs attending to. I'm a laid back dude. I don't demand much. I'm just not one for change.

Don't ever do that again!

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Mystery is Over

My new friend has a new name.

Hello Wes. Welcome to this world.

Now go long and get open. I’ll scramble and find you.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Just a Head Cold

Mommy took me to the doctor because she didn’t like the sounds of my breathing. It wound up being nothing. My cold is just in my head and not in my chest. Nothing to see here. Please disperse.

But here’s the disappointing part of it. I had a male doctor. Up until now, it’s been all chicks. Although I got to show off how masculine and macho I am, it’s not the same without the element of flirting attached to it.

Not fair.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Another New Friend

Mommy and Daddy told me today that one of my lifelong friends was born today. Uncle Will and Aunt Kristine gave birth to a baby boy. He has no name as of yet. He was born early, and weighs just 5 pounds, 9 ounces.

I remember when I was that size. I think it was sometime around conception.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Another Announcement

I would like to take this opportunity to proudly announce the arrival of yet another tooth, bringing the number of sharp white boney structures in my mouth to three.

We’re getting there.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Do Over

Now I can verify everything I saw on the way to Santa Barbara, except in reverse. Daddy had to leave early to drive to work, so Mommy and I had to hitch a ride with Gram and Grampa. It took us awhile to get home, but that’s okay. The scenery was beautiful and, this time, I had play friends to keep me awake to see it all.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

People Food

Little by little, I’m eating more and more solids. Although boob milk is still my favorite dish, I’m digging anything that’s delivered to me via spoon.

And after tonight, I’m beginning to get impatient.

Tonight, I watched Uncle Aaron make the most impressive tapas. He cooked abalone to rigatone. He concocted different reduction sauces using the craziest ingredients. He kept each portion small but filling. Each dish looked amazing and tasted even better.

I was only awake for the first couple of them, and I’ve never tasted any of them in my life, but I wanted to.

Come on, teeth. Grow already.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Grampa Happiness

This is a fun weekend. Whatever Gramppa wants, he gets. He deserves it. 60 years is a long time. And the last 40 of it, he’s dedicated his life to his kids and grandkids.

So today, I checked the Thing I have, and whenever Gramdpa wanted to play with me, I was game.

We went into the hot tub and he put me in an innertube. At first I was scared, but then again, I was with Gramdpa. An innertube is a new thing for me. I don’t feel anyone holding onto me in the tub, but I knew Grampa wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

And that’s the point. He’s never let anything bad happen to any one of us.

Thank you, Grampa.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Beach Bummin'

We all decided to hit the beach today and drove to Carpinteria. What a beautiful beach. The sand was pristine as I watched Uncle Shannon build sand castles. Buddha and Katie ran up and down the shore. Grandpa walked into the cold ocean. Petra and I played in the shade.

But, at some point, we all looked out and watched a bunch of dolphins jump in and out of the water. They were really far out and at first, I didn’t really know what I was looking at. But Grampa knew, and he told me where to look.

Mommy, Daddy, can you get me a dolphin?