Monday, August 31, 2009


Mommy came back from Costco with an early birthday present for me: a horsie!

Okay, it's not a real horsie. But it looks like one. And when Daddy presses its ear, it neighs just like a real horsie. And it makes the noises like its walking. And it bops his head up and down. And it allows me to do nice on its mane.

And it'll probably let me sit on it, but fat chance of that happening right now.

It's not real, right?


Sunday, August 30, 2009


When I open my mouth and make a noise, Mommy puts her hand over my mouth and gently taps it over and over again. So instead of making one noise, I actually make two noises, one loud and one muffled.

It sounds like this: "AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh AHH ahh!"

Top that, Simon Cowell.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Ryan's Party

I was invited to my friend Ryan's party today, and I gladly accepted. Actually, I've barely met Ryan. We can't get our sleeping patterns to match up, but today, we played some.

In fact, Ryan's parents set up a sandbox in the corner, and that's where I shined. There were like five other kids in there with me, and everyone was doing their own thing, but together, we rose. I just liked being there with them. I felt accepted. I felt like I belonged.

We should do this again. Can I have everyone's contact information?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Crib Talker

I've gotten into the habit of talking to myself in my crib when I wake up. To Mommy and Daddy, it's just incoherent chatter. But if you were fluent in the language I speak, you'd know that important things were going down.

First I take roll to make sure everyone is present. Teddy bear? Present. Mexican Chicken doll? Present. Knicks Monkey? Present. Wyatt? Present.

Then we go over what I dreamt about last night. Usually it's something tame, usually Yo Gabba Gabba influenced. Then I line up what I plan on doing the rest of the day, as in time of naps, toys I'll play with, cabinets to open and whether or not to tease Mommy and Daddy with some sort of breakthrough they can brag to friends and family about. Then, when we're done with that, I'll give everyone present a pep talk to get them through the day.

At that point, I'll summon Mommy or Daddy to come and get me. But what they take as crying is actually everyone in attendance singing "Baba O'Reilly" by the Who.

Yep. It's true.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Bye Bye, Eh?

Gram and Grampa took off tonight for Canada. They like to take off and go on vacation a lot. I dig that. I mean, I miss them, but I like that they like to explore. One day, I'll be an explorer too.

Daddy told some jokes about Canada that even I knew were lame. Nice try, Daddy. But don't make fun of Canada. After all, they are America's hat.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sears Photos

Mommy took me to Sears to have my picture taken by an actual photographer and not by a Daddy who thinks he knows what he's doing. Reese was there too with her Mommy.

I think the photo shoot went well. Reese and I did some nice things together, really exploring the space. I hit a couple of moods in my shots but always kept it light. And I worked in some poses that I've been working on. All in all, I did some nice stuff today. Maybe a couple of these will work their way into my portfolio.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

New Walker

I've got this new toy that I can hold as I stand up and push it and it forces me to walk with it until I hit something like a chair and then Mommy and Daddy clap and I smile and then one of them turns me and the toy around and we walk again but maybe this time to the wall and they clap again and turn me around again and we go on like this for about five minutes and I only keep doing it because it makes them so happy.

And because I'm a ham.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Today, wrapped up in a riddle.

Q: What's green and slimy and endlessly running?
A: My nose.

Here's another one.

Q: What's green and slimy and endlessly wet?
A: Mommy's hands after she cleans me up.

She's the best.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another Family Reunion

We had another family reunion today, this time for Grampa's side, this time in San Rafael. We weren't there for long, and I met some new people, but what got my attention was watching Daddy have a catch with my cousin Roddy. They both put on their baseball gloves and threw a ball back and forth to each other. They did this for about 20 minutes. It looked like they were having so much fun.

I can't wait to grow up.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Truck Stop

We had a long drive back up to San Francisco from Hollywood today. Lots of traffic. Lots of stop and go. And I just wasn't digging the back seat or the music selection. C'mon, Daddy, you gotta revamp your playlists on your iPod. Pronto.

Anyways, we made a stop in Patterson, CA, wherever that is. We decided to eat at a KFC. It didn't look good and it didn't smell good. And the people there didn't really look too good either.

Daddy saw someone order a dish that had mashed potatoes layered with sweet corn and loaded with bite-sized pieces of crispy chicken. And, oh yeah, shredded cheese and gravy. It sounded good but it didn't look so hot. Daddy quoted one of his favorite comedians by saying it's "a failure pile in a sadness bowl". Sounds about right.

I'll just keep on with my mozzarella stick.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Mommy took me shopping for toys in Beverly Hills, which is a real nice place. They've got lots of shiny stuff there. And it's all clean too.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, toy shopping. I became infatuated with a toy car that I was wheeling back and forth and then putting in my mouth. But then, a beautiful woman saw me and smiled at me. She was totally checking me out. And then her daddy came by and walked away.

It wasn't until later that I realized that the man was actually her husband. And not only that, but that man was actually Rod Stewart. And you know what? I got it. I could totally see what that hot chick saw in a man that old.

I mean, what I'm saying is that I'd like to look that good when I'm 93 years old.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Mommy used to work for Extra!, and she took me to the set. I met all the people she worked with, and they were all really nice. It looked like so much fun to work there.

I even got to meet the host, who I am told is famous, and we took a photo together. I'm sure it'll be framed and put on his wall. Or on his dimpels. Or in the Peach Pit.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dinner with Mommy's Friends

Tonight I had dinner with some of Mommy's friends. Daddy was there too, but whatever. It was about introducing me, so I absolutely poured it on for them with the smiles and the chatter and the interaction. They ate it up.

Of course, like anyone in Hollywood, I had to make a scene. I didn't want my bottle at the restaurant. Who can blame me? And I was up after my bedtime, but then again, who isn't out here?

I jsut hope the paparazzi didn't notice.

Actually, I hope they did. I'm ready for the rags.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Los Angeles

This morning, Mommy and Daddy woke me up and we drove all the way from San Francisco to West Hollywood. Daddy's on a work trip, and he decided to bring us along with him. Mommy's gonna bring me around and introduce me to everyone she knows and everywhere important to her.

The drive was okay. There's not really much going on off the highway, that is, unless you love gas stops and open land. But when we hit Los Angeles, holy moly. There's lights and billboards everywhere. And cars. And beautiful women.

Did I mention beautiful women?

Because there are beautiful women here. It's like their commune.

All around.

High five.

Monday, August 17, 2009

First Step

Today, I took my first step. It was scary stuff. I felt like I was all alone out there. And I felt like I couldn't trust the world around me. But I did it. And although I fell on my bum right after, it was thrilling.

You're all in trouble now.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Mill Valley

Mommy and Gram had a baby shower today in Mill Valley. That's one of the places in the suburbs that we're thinking about moving too. So Daddy took me for a walk around the area.

We went to this amazing park where he put me on a swing. Usually, I'm okay with the swings. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan, but I get it. However, today we came up with a new game. Every time I swung near Daddy, I reached for his hat. And every so often, I would swipe it from his head. Good times.

Then we checked out a couple of different stores and restaurants, and an old woman came up to me and told me that I'm a handsome gent.

I can get used to this place.

Make it happen.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Today we had a family reunion in Saratoga. These were people on Gram's side of the family and I knew a slight majority of the people. But the others I'd never met.

Which meant I had to turn on the charm.

So I smiled. I clapped. I made sure I smushed food all over my face when I was eating. And I whipped out my new laugh.

Mommy and Daddy didn't ask me to do that. Gram didn't ask me. I just did it. I knew the spotlight was on, and I took center stage. Call it actor's intuition.

Or just me being me.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Pool With Girls

Today was the last day up in San Francisco with Katie and Buddha, which means it's pool time. So we went to our friend McKell's house and jumped in. I swam back and forth. I even dove into Grampa's arms. And I held onto the sides of the pool. It was just like San Luis Obispo. I had a blast.

So much so that when I was walking around the pool, I almost peed on Grampa's face.

Look, it wasn't my choice to walk around naked. I have no control over my bladder. So you can't be surprised when something like that happens. I obviously didn't mean it.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

Another Thing to Set the Record Straight

What does a cow say?


Even if I say "Mmmmmm", I know it's "Moo".

Agreed? Agreed.

Let's move on.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Land's End

Today, Mommy and I went for a hike on Land's End. It was great. With all the traveling and company we've had, the two of us haven't had time together in awhile. So we were really looking forward to this.

You know, this city is so beautiful that anything can be awesome. But because it was just me and Mommy, it was extra awesome.

Argh. Extra awesome doesn't do today justice.

There just aren't any words.

Thanks, Mom.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Gonna Get You

Daddy and I play a game where he says "I'm gonna get you" and then he chases me. When he catches me, he tickles me while saying "Nom Nom Nom" and I laugh and then I chase him. We could do this for hours.

But you know what's been happening? He hasn't been able to catch me. In fact, I'm gaining distance on him. I slow down because I want him to tickle me, but the fact remains is that the tickling would stop if I didn't.

Which means I got mad crawlin' skillz.

Or that Daddy's getting old and fat.

Probably both.

But let's roll with the former.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Best Doctor Visit Ever

Mommy took me to the Big Red Dot doctor to see about the big red dot on my cheek. Seems that it's no big deal, it's natural and it should be gone in four years.

So that's when they want to see me again.

In 2013.

Now that's what you call a model patient, huh?

Sunday, August 09, 2009

The Big Hike

We all went on a big hike today in Rodeo Beach. By big hike, I mean Daddy carried me in the baby backpack for the entire thing as they trudged up hill after hill after hill. He's a trooper for getting through it, and Mommy did offer to take me, but I kinda like how we shared sweat for a morning.

And yes, even though I was strapped in, you can say I mounted him too.

I hope the chicks saw me and my authority.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Play Day

With Uncle Shannon, Auntie Nessa and Petra away in Tahoe, Mommy invited all her Mom's group friends over their place for the weekend. I hope she got permission. This post might get her in trouble if she didn't.

Anyway, it was fun to chase and mount the chicks all day. Yes, that's what I do. I mount chicks. Don't judge me. I am a virile man full of confidence and swagger. I would wear Old Spice cologne if I could reach that high. And although I don't have a five o'clock shadow or a hairy chest, I come across as mas macho.

You cannot resist me or my wares.

I'll stop now.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Scary Night

We met up with all my friends tonight in Tiburon. They have a street fair on Main Street, and there are lots of kids and moms and beer stands and food. It's good stuff. And, tonight, my friends Tanner, Reese, Olive and Jack were here too. Even Katie and Buddha made an appearance.

But all of a sudden, I started vomiting. And not just the type that sputters out. I'm talking the one that hits you like water out a fire hose. I did it three times. It sucked. Mommy and Daddy were shaken up. It's a good thing everyone else went through this already. It's just a stage, but it's a stage I want to exit.

Unless I can make money from it. Like as a freak in a circus. Hey, if a monkey can throw poop at people, then I can spray them with vomit.

Actually, this is a bad idea.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Up at 5

I'm on this bit of a roll where I get up at 5 AM everyday. Mommy and Daddy have been trying to let me cry it out, but I will not be denied. I want their bed.

Right after their breaking point, they enter my room, pick me up and bring me in. But here's the thing: I don't care what time it is, but Mommy and Daddy do. And just because I'm ready to start my day apparently doesn't mean they are too.

So here's our compromise. They bring me to bed. They put the TV on. They buttress me inbetween their bodies so I can't go anywhere. And around 6:30, one of them gets up and tends to my needs.

That's how we do.

But it's not gonna last long. I don't think I can keep this up.

Don't tell them that.

I hope they don't read this blog.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009


Even though I just saw them, Katie and Buddha are up here for a visit. Gram and Grampa have them for an entire week. I've got them for the whole day today.

Mommy and Daddy tried their best to spend some time with them, but they are mine. I own them and they own me. We have a lot to plan for the rest of our lives, and it can't wait.

We've got a good head start on our world takeover.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009


They say pointing is rude, but when I do it, everyone claps. So is it rude or cute, or is it usually rude unless I do it, in which case, it's cute?

Because if that's the case, then you have no idea how much damage I can do with that superpower.

And I'll use it.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Bookin' It

Here's my first book report.

"Where The Wild Things Are" by Wyatt Tornello.

Max is bad. He's sent to his room. His imagination takes over. He becomes king. Wild things happen with wild things. He misses home. He returns to his room. His dinner is still hot.

The end.

Repeat 19 more times.

I love this book.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Grandpa's Birthday

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear Grandpa.
Happy Birthday to you.

Although I can't sing, I hope you understand that exact sentiment is shared by me though Mommy and Daddy's excruciatingly bad baritones and falsettos left on your voicemail.

And many more.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Now I Get It

So Mommy and Daddy ditched me today with Gram and Grampa so they can go off for a quick one day getaway to belatedly celebrate their anniversary.

Well, excuuuuuuse me.

Wait...that means I get to spend an entire day with Gram and Grampa, right?

I'm wondering if Mommy and Daddy can have an anniversary every weekend, 'cuz today was fun.