Sunday, May 31, 2009

Uncle Jack

Today I got to meet my Uncle Jack. Actually, he's my great uncle, and he flew in all the way from Osaka to meet me. Well, meeting me is one of the perks of visiting the States. That, and Papalote burritos.

Anyways, he dug me and I dug him. I got to pull on his beard, which I liked. And he liked that I laughed at all his jokes. We had a silent understanding, a mutual connection that benefited both parties.

We're gonna get along.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Petra's Party

Today was a small birthday party for Petra at the Aquarium. I've been here plenty of times before, but I learned two things:

1. The fish have a different look when you're looking at them from Grampa's shoulders.

2. They have this place called the Kidz Zone. I think it's spelled Kidz with a "z" because, well, who knows why. Anyway, us kidz (me and Petra) had a blast. We crawled around this little play area, chasing each other and exploring new places. We even did some climbing. We tore that place up, yo. Not one inch of that Zone didn't have either one of our fingerprints.

One old standby, but two new features. It's like Petra gave me two gifts on her birthday.

What a peach.

Friday, May 29, 2009

My First CD

We've decided to expand my musical repertoire past Xavier Rudd. So Mommy got a CD of kids songs like "Five Little Monkeys" and "Old McDonald Had A Farm" and "The Wheels on the Bus".

I think it's got big potential here.

I think there's a great chance I will listen to this so much that it will drive my parents up a wall.

And I think there's an even greater chance that they will not realize that they could play anything and I'll like it just because I'm responding to melody and not to silly lyrics.

So I'm just playing along.

Rock on, creepy singing guy with a chorus of children.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

First Word

Grampa had me working on this all day long, and when Mommy picked me up today, we had a surprise for her.

I said "Mama!"


She was so happy with what she was hering that she didn't realize that I was looking at the flowers when I said it.

Hey, just because I can pronounce it doesn't mean I can define it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Fluffy B

Auntie Sue got me this doll that I'm very suspicious of. It's a chicken, I think, but it's dressed like a rapper and when you press his hand, he begins to dance and he sings "Tootsie Roll".

What the flip? Dolls ain't s'posed to do that. They're supposed to sit there and let me touch them. This one's got demons in it.

I hate this toy. And yet, I'm very intrigued by its failure to adhere to the rules of society. You are a doll. Behave like them and do nothing.

But how do you do that?

Do it again.

No, stop!

Do it again.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Walk This Way

Mommy, Daddy and I had to babysit Reese because her parents went to the ballgame. So I got some solid one-on-one time with the cutie.

And she showed me up.

She does this thing where she can hold onto a table and pull herself up. Me? I'm just a crawler. What she does is like magic. Or a trick. Or an illusion.

I can do that too, right?



Okay, I've got a couple more days until I see Reese again. This gives me something to work on. I have the guns. I have the willpower. And I will impress her.

Oh, I will.

Monday, May 25, 2009


While Mommy took me out on a bunch of errands, Daddy stayed behind and babyproofed the house.

And I, for one, am insulted.

Let this be clear: I am not a menace to society or households. I do not look for trouble. I aim to not be a nuisance or a messmaker. This is not me. This is not who I aspire to be.

So there's really no reason for Daddy to secure the bookcases to the wall.

I promise not to pull them down.

Okay, I can't promise that, but that won't be my intention.

Okay, maybe it's a good idea that he did that.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


Mommy and Daddy took me to a winery in Sonoma where I got to play with all my Mom's group friends. Petra was also there with Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa.

We had a tent. We had wine (or, at least, they had wine and I smelled it on their breaths). I got to nap, just like Uncle Shannon did in the middle of our circle. I hung with friends and played with toys. I smelled barbecued ox, and when I begin to eat meat, I'm sure I'll like that. And I had nowhere to go and all the time to get there.

I think I can dig the life on a winery.

Except I won't drink any flipping Merlot.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Taste Test

Today I had a taste test: My foot vs. Daddy's finger.

Here's the tale of the tape.

My foot: clean, soft, almost tasteless and with a sharp nail but that's okay.

Daddy's finger: cleanish, sorta hard, salty and with no nail.

The winner: My foot.

Sorry, Daddy. You're gonna have to raise your game to match my appetite.

Friday, May 22, 2009

They Deserve It

Today is the anniversary of Mommy meeting Daddy for the first time. Little did they know that two years later, they'd have an adorable ball of joy who likes to blog.

So Reese's parents watched me while Mommy and Daddy went out to celebrate.

Good for them. They earned it.

And thank you, Mommy, for not rejecting Daddy that day.

Seriously, thanks.

I mean it.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Beach Bum

Today, Gram took me to the Marina and I got to play in this thing they call sand. It's amazing stuff. It's grainy and I can put it into my hand and watch it fall between my fingers. And there's miles of this stuff!

And the thing about sand is that it leads to a big pool of water that I thought would be amazing to crawl in to so I took off to see if it's just as much fun as the bathtub.

Except that water isn't perfect. In fact, it's really cold. I don't think I like it that cold. And just like that, I didn't want to be in the water anymore.

But that's okay. I've got so much sand to play with, so much sand to almost get in trouble with, so much sand to get on my sweater and pants.

And, you know, in my diaper.

That's my roadie.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Baths are fun. I get to play with my rubber duckie and I'm in the water and I'm surrounded by bubbles. Good time always had by all.

Especially me.

And especially when Mommy yells "Whoa!"

And especially when I laugh because that's a funny word.

And especially when she yells it again and especially when I laugh even harder.

And especially when there's another "Whoa!" and even harder laughs and on and on until I forget I'm even in the tub or that there's such a thing like a rubber duckie because it's just me and Mommy having a blast and that's the only thing that matters.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I've now got six feet (four on the upper, two on the lower) and they do some amazing things. For one, they chop up my food into tiny pieces so I can swallow. And if I lean my head back, my mouth opens and I show my teeth and that makes Mommy say what a cute boy I am.

The other thing I've learned is that I can grind them. And it's loud.

Mommy and Daddy aren't into this new hobby of mine. But I'm just getting to know my body and what it can do and this is, you know, fun,

Sometimes, I'm grinding the melody of a song I know. Sometimes, I'm just sharpening my teeth for an upcoming meal. And sometimes, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

But most of the time, to be honest, I just do it to drown Mommy's singing out.

Don't tell her, though. She thinks she sings like Mariah Carey.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Ergo, Therefore I Am

Just when I got used to the Baby Bjorn, and just when I fell totally in love with the Baby Backpack, Mommy unleashed a new carrier on me. It's called the Ergo, and Mommy loves it.

I'm getting used to it.

Here's my review.


1. I hang lower, so it's easier on Mommy and Daddy's back.
2. I get to look right at Mommy's boobies.
3. I have a little personal space and I can look right and left.


1. My bum might get peed on by Daddy if he's not careful.
2. Not digging the maroon color. Maroon doesn't have an edge.
3. I can't look out at what Daddy's about to walk into.

Still, when you weigh them out, the positives are a lot more positive than the negatives are negative. So hello, Ergo. Nice to meet you.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I See Naked People

Mommy and Daddy took me to Bay to Breakers, which is a huge race/parade where the citizens of San Francisco gets to show how clever they are. People dress in funny outfits. They hold witty signs. They do crazy stuff. And they drink incredible amounts of alcohol.

And old and fat hippies walk naked among them.

Not cool.

Look, I've been using these eyes for seven months now, and I didn't want those images burned into my memory.

It was almost too late until I began to look at all the hot, young, sexy and barely dressed chicks partying around me. They outnumbered the hippies 15 to 1. When I close my eyes tonight, they will be ones I see.

Anyways, I had a blast, and this parade made me proud to be a San Franciscan. I kicked my feet and flapped my arms whenever a strangely-clad stranger made me laugh. It was awesome, even though I heard Daddy tell Mommy that this was the last Bay to Breakers he was taking me to until I got old enough because he didn't want to answer "awkward questions".

I get it, Dad. Even though, for some of the naked people, there's just nothing left to ask.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Mommy took me to Oysterfest while Daddy went to the Mets-Giants game with Grandpa. It was in Fort Mason and it was hot. Real hot. Like strip down to my onesie hot. Holla!

And the nice thing about it was I was able to scope out the ladies. Sure, they were cheesy, but since it was hot out, they wore less than normal, and me likey likey.

But of all the chicks that were there, my attention was only for Petra. My cousin and I played and laughed and clapped together under the hot sun. We were the only two people in our world, and nothing else mattered. Sure, there was music playing and people partying, but we were just laying down on our play mat and having a blast together.

That's the way things are always gonna be.

Friday, May 15, 2009


Mommy took me to a bar for a surprise birthday party for our friend Steve. She had me strapped to her in her Ergo, and we were in there for about an hour. It was dark and it smelled of Anchor Steam. There were people there mingling with each other while drinking out of glasses. And the Mets-Giants game was playing on a TV in the corner.

And yet, this felt odd.

I mean, I'm just seven months old. I don't have any idea to prove that I'm 21. Heck, I can barely pass for 1. I have no idea how I got in. I was severely underdressed. And although I have serious game with chicks my age, and although chicks in their twenties do dig me, I don't have enough game to seal the deal. Like I said, I'm just seven months old.

Not that I'm complaining. Bars seem fun, probably a lot more fun when I'm older.

I can't wait to go to one when I'm older and lie later to my parents about my whereabouts.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Gooch

I'm getting a reputation.

Seems that word's getting around that I like to play rough. That I like to grab. That I might not know how to play nice. That I'm a bully.

Well, let me set the record straight. I don't intend to play rough. I grab because I'm curious. I want to play nice, and I am not a bully. I just don't know my own strength, and this whole "using my arms and hands" thing is fairly new and I don't quite have the hang of it.

So please don't judge me until you've crawled a mile in my diaper.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Feet First

When Grandpa watches me, he likes to take me to the children's play area at Golden Gate Park. There's a carousel there, but I'm too small to ride on it and it might give me vertigo. And there's monkey bars there too, but that would be a scary drop and although I climb over Mommy like a monkey, this is different. So I'm relegated to the slide, which I'm getting the hang of.

The first time I did it, Grandpa held me as I went head first, and I gotta say, even though Grandpa was there, I really wasn't digging this. Hearts would break if I messed up this face.

So we flipped the script and he had me go down feet first, which I've heard is also the proper way to slide into second base. And although I was using my feet to stop along the way, I dug it. My feet hit the sand and I wanted to do it again do it again do it again.

Slides are now my friends.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Adults do this thing called clapping. It involves smacking the palms of your hands together repeatedly in order to make a sound. The reason you do this is to show some appreciation for something that someone did.

I learned how to do this. It's kinda easy.

But you know what's weird? I get the opposite reaction. I clap to appreciate something. But then whoever is watching me clap then claps because I clapped. So they are appreciating me clapping even though I am only clapping because I'm appreciating something else.

But they're only clapping because I'm clapping. They couldn't care less for what I'm clapping for. There's no transference here. It's a broken chain of clapping.

I'm still gonna clap. It's fun, and I like it how, when I do it too much, it numbs my hands.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Play Date

Today I had my first official Play Date with Reese. She's a nice chick, and she's cute and our parents like each other, which would be awkward if they didn't, and she thinks I have an edge, which I do because I had my fauxhawk, and she laughs at my jokes I think, and I like the way she sneezes and maybe we'll see each other again, who knows, I don't want to rush anything.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today is Mommy's day, 24 straight hours where we celebrate all things Mom. I, for one, have a great Mommy, but you all knew that.

But with this being Mommy's Day, it all falls on Daddy to make it work. And he did a good job. Sorta.

He made her a nice breakfast and even fed me some avocados in the morning. Check.

He played with me while she went to the gym. Check.

He planned a nice day at the Art Store where the three of us can make art. Mommy loves stuff like this. Check.

He didn't bring a bottle with him. Demerit.

He got Mommy's lunch order wrong. Demerit.

He couldn't get me to stop crying. Demerit.

He took an extra half hour to finish his "masterpiece". Demerit.

But then, at night, he went home and cooked a fabulous dinner and fed me my bottle. Check and check.

The reason I'm telling you all this is that, even though Daddy had as many demerits as he did checks, Mommy knew he was trying. And she knew his gift to her was to spend an entire day together. And those things meant more to her than anything else. That's what makes her an amazing Mommy.

Love you, Mom.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Boys Night Out

Mommy, Gram, Auntie Sue and Cousin Michelle are having a Girls Night In, which is a perfect opportunity for Grandpa, Daddy and I to have a Boys Night Out.

Here's what happened. We picked up Daddy right off the highway where his friend dropped him off. We then went to a bar/restaurant called Finnegan's where they had pints of beer while I had 8 ounces of Similac. We watched the Lakers vs. Rockets game. And then I fell asleep sometime during "I Fooled Around And Fell In Love" by Elvin Bishop.

So, to recap...Boys Night Out is fun I guess.

Although I bet it really ramps up when I get a fake ID and learn about strip clubs.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Meeting Wes

Today I got a chance to finally meet my lifelong friend Wes. He was just born a couple of weeks ago, and he was a couple of weeks early, so he was tiny. But he was also really cute, and I mean that in a "it's totally cool, bro" type of way.

I was kinda loud, doing my share of cawing in the room. The adults in the room couldn't make out what I was saying, and that was the point. My words were for Wes alone, and they were golden nuggets of advice.

I told him that a diaper change is a perfect time to pee in someone's face.

I told him that it's okay to make believe you don't know what's happening if it causes an adult to look like an idiot.

I told him that when drinking breast milk, if you swoosh it around your mouth before you swallow, the aftertaste kinda reminds you of tangerines.

And I told him that if he ever needs anything, I'm not too far away.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Kids Club

Essentially there's this thing going around called swine flu that's got everyone up in arms. I overheard Mommy and Daddy talking about it, and although they think it's a crock, they said it's a good reminder for them to take extra precautions with me.

So Mommy took me to 24 Hour Fitness today so she could work out. They have a Kids Club there, and a professional babysitter watches me so Mommy can exercise. There's toys all over the place, more toys than I know what to do with.

But you know what I was forced to play with?

My toys from home that Mommy brought with her that she knew were germ free.

Mommy, that's not a precaution. That's paranoia. I mean, look! That toy has blinking lights, and that one makes a noise, and that one looks like an elephant. How can something as fun like those things be mean enough to give me swine flu?

Although that two-year-old does look suspicious.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Seven Months Old

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to Wyattthemosthandsomestandfunnestkidinthewholeworld orsoiamtoldwhoclappedthroughthisentiresonnnnnnnnnng.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Time Zones

It seems like there are these things called time zones. New York is in one of them. San Francisco is in another. So 4 PM in New York isn't 4 PM in San Francisco. It's actually 1 PM.

Makes no sense to me, to be honest.

But it makes sense to Mommy and Daddy. So when we leave on Friday at 4 AM in San Francisco, that's actually 7 AM in New York. But it seems early to us because it's 4 AM. And when we leave New York at 4 AM, it's actually 1 AM in San Francisco. So they thought 4 AM was early, then this is a bombshell.

So their bodies are confused as it is.

But look at me. I have no idea what's going on, but suddenly, I'm not getting my full sleep at night. And now my naps are confused because I have to catch up somehow. And now I have no idea what time I fall asleep later. And then I might confuse the sleep with a nap and want to play when Mommy and Daddy are asleep.

This isn't theoretical (I know that word). This actually happened.

So now I know what time zones are.

They suck.

Monday, May 04, 2009

New York City

Today, Grandpa took us for a tour of New York City. It's an amazing place with lots of big buildings and taxicabs and tourists and hot dog vendors. We went all over the place, like to St. Patrick's Cathedral and 30 Rock and Carnegie Deli and then to the World Trade Center. Plus, I got to see all the buildings that Grandpa worked in.

It was a big day.

I think I can do the city. There seems to be a lot going on, and with me being the curious sort, I think it feeds right into my personality.

And it fits into my already established persona of staring at and flirting with every hot chick that walks on by.

New York City ain't lacking in them.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Water On My Head

This morning was my big day. Mommy dressed me in my best suit and she, Grandpa and Daddy took me to Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's house. And not only were they there, but also Gram and Grampa and Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa and Auntie Jenn and Uncle Joe and Alana and Al and Linda and Lisa and Ralph. And not only Nicky and Ava Rose but also Petra! It was almost all of my favorite people in one house at once. It was awesome.

We then went to something called a church where there was a huge ceremony and, at some point, Daddy and Mommy took me to the altar where a man in a robe poured some water on my head. He said that I was joining God's family.

So I waved.

Later that night, we had a big party. I got to meet a bunch of Daddy's relatives for the first time. They're so much fun and they all wanted to hug me and kiss me. I mean, we just met and they already love me so much.

So today, I joined one family and met another.

Not bad for a Sunday.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

The Staten Island Zoo

Today, Grandpa, Daddy and I went to go visit Grandma. Daddy glued a photo of me, Nicky and Ava Rose on a stick and put it right by her so she can always see us. She's got a nice view of a park with a lake and also the Staten Island Zoo, which is where we went right afterwards.

It's a small but nice zoo. I saw some reptiles and some birds, but I really loved the shark tank. They swam right up to me and I waved.

I also liked the emu because I heard Daddy say, "Emu" and I thought it sounded funny. I also waved at them.

They also had a Clydesdale horse. I thought it was smug and arrogant because it didn't give me the time of day. I didn't wave to it.

The point is that I had a great time with a lot of arms flapping and legs kicking. And I know that each time I go visit Grandma, I can also go to the Zoo.

So it's like she's still making me happy.

Friday, May 01, 2009

My Airline Tradition

We woke up before the sun rose to head out to the airport to fly to New York City. But this time, Gram and Grampa came with us. So we all woke up at 4 AM and headed to the airport.

At that early hour, things went really smooth. Security check was a breeze. The terminal was right there. And we boarded without incident, all of us in one entire row on Virgin America.

But then something happened over Utah.

You know what happened.

It always happens.

Sorry, Utah.