Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Let's Be Loud and Clear About This

When it's 5 in the morning, and I want my favorite binky, give me my favorite binky.

Don't give me the deformed looking green one.

Don't give me the strange red one.

Give me the yellow one with the blue handles on the side.

I don't care if you can't find it or are looking for it. It's 5 in the morning and I want my favorite binky right now and nothing else.

So gimme my binky right now. I want my binky right now.

(And, if you're wondering, when I cry at volume level 8 with an alternative falsetto and baritone, that means my favorite binky is under the pillow in the bedroom. So stop looking under the living room couches for the third time).

Just sayin'.

On a lighter side: Daddy is Granny's son. Granny has a fascination with fart sounds and touching my diaper. Daddy doesn't have that. I think he's caught up with the idea that when I poop, there's probably gonna be a follow-up poop coming soon.

So, he's a seasoned veteran.

And that means I have to adapt my game.

Here's what I came up with (and other infants, you can borrow this trick. It's awesome):

1. Poop.
2. Poop again. This second poop means you're done - or so Daddy thinks.
3. Play it cool as your Daddy takes you to the changing table.
4. Play it cool when he takes your clothes off. You want to be as calm as possible so you can make him as calm as possible.
5. Summon up all your gas inside you.
6. Wait until your Daddy touches your diaper for removal. When he touches it, fart. As loud as you can. With everything you've got.

Watch how far back your Daddy jumps.

Try it. It never fails to be funny. I've done it about six times, and it's still hilarious. Trust me.

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