I Have Been Faked

It took Mommy and Daddy a couple of days to finish my birth announcement. They must have taken a thousand of me already, so finding the best one was a monumental task. But the one they find is one I like. I didn't have final creative approval, but they did a good job.

But here's the thing, and I want everyone to know this loud and clear: what you see is not what it is.

Or, plainly spoken: I was Photoshopped.

So for all those waiting for the announcement to come in the mail, the delay is their fault, not mine.

You see, although Mommy and Daddy think I'm "perfect" and "without blemish", they still took the liberty of Photoshopping out all my baby acne. Hey, look, I got dots. It happens to the best of us. But it's who I am.

And what are you trying to set up for me by demanding an impossible level of standards for me to live up to? What, am I still not "perfect" or "without blemish" if I am riddled with tiny red spots? Is that what you want from your son, to have skin as clear as bottled water? Is that what you expect?

Look, I know I am impossibly good looking, but I don't need any work to get there. Hear me?

I'm just saying that if you want me au naturale, then send me out to the world like that. And leave the Photoshopping to the ubermodels that actually need it.

(Although, I do admit, they did do a great job on my complexion).