End of Vacation

Although I am a now a rugged man of the wilderness, I am truly an urbanite at heart. So Gram and Grampa drove me all the way from Novato to San Francisco so I could hang out with Mama and Dada again.

And what a reunion we had. It's only been two days, but when you've only been around for nine months, that's a pretty long time.

I couldn't wait to see them.

They couldn't wait to see me.

And although it was a Wednesday, we partied like it was a Saturday.

A Saturday in 1999.

Sand Harbor

Today I went to this little alcove called Sand Harbor with Gram, Grampa and all my cousins. And guess what? It had sand. Endless grains of sand all around me. Every where I looked, there was sand.

Even though I have big hands for a kid, I actually have small hands in proportion to the general populace. But still, sand is even smaller, and I was able to pick up sand and let it fall between my fingers.

I must have done that seven or eight thousand times.

How you like me now, Laird Hamilton?

9 Months Old

Mommy and Daddy left late last night for San Francisco because they had to work, so they left me up here with Gram, Grampa and my cousins for extended play time.

And so I could celebrate my nine months old birthday at a pub called the Bridgetender.

How cool is that? How many infants can throw down a few cold ones during one of the nine most important days of their life so far? And how many infants look so mature that they don't have to show ID to get into a drinking establishment?

Boo. Yah.

Cousins

Today I got to have a huge play sessions with my cousins Evan and Ben. And by play session, I mean I stood up in my Pack 'n Play and stared at them intently while they ran around. It was fun. I mean, it was hypothetically fun, when I think about next year when I can run around and have 83% control of my limbs and be able to do coordinated things with other kids around my age.

I'm already planning stuff.

Happy Birthday America

I have no idea what that means other than I got to play on the beach and took a wagon ride with Petra.

Ball with Gabby

When I look around me up here in Tahoe, I see nothing but forest and grass and trees. And when I look at Gabby (Gram and Grampa's black lab), I think that I can't wait to be able to pick up a tennis ball and throw it as far as I can into the forest and grass and trees and watch Gabby chase after it and bring it back to me and then I throw it again and we do this for hours.

But for now, the game we play is Gabby drops a ball at my feet, I pick it up, Mommy takes it from me and wipes Gabby's slobber off of it and then she wipes the slobber off from my own hands, and then I pick it up and roll it at her and she picks it up and we repeat it.

It'll be better when I have a throwing arm.

First Night in a Tent

So...nobody told me that I wouldn't have a crib and windows and walls up here in Tahoe. Instead, my crib is a Pack and Play. My window is a zippered flap. And my walls are made of nylon and mylar. This is what's called camping.

Tonight wasn't fun. I cried hard. It was scary. And it was cold. Mommy and Daddy put me in a onesie and my pajamas and two sleep sacks, but when I peed myself, the diaper got wet and the onesie got wet and add the wetness to the coldness and it just wasn't any fun for me.

But we'll work on it because I actually dig camping.

Bye Grandpa. Hello Tahoe.

Today we drove Grandpa to the airport because he had to go back to New York, where my cousins Nicky and Ava Rose are waiting for him. We had a blast together this past week or so. He held up to his end of the track meet, and because of that, we developed a bit of a bromance.

Have a nice flight, Grandpa. I love you and miss you already.

After we dropped him off, Mommy and I drove up to North Lake Tahoe (Daddy comes up tomorrow) to spend our annual Fourth of July weekend with Gram and Grampa and cousins and friends. I say annual, but for me, everything is just the first edition of what might become a tradition. But considering this has been going on for twenty years or so, I think this tradition is in the clear.

I've been to Tahoe before when it was all white. Now I've heard that it's all green with a big blue lake. Funny how things change.

Flirting with Auntie Pua

The best thing about being my age is that when I do something devious, it's excused that I'm not doing anything devious because I'm so innocent. And I gotta say, I know how that works and I use it to my advantage.

Case in point: Auntie Pua. She's my Aunt, but not really my aunt. So it's fair game.

Tonight, she came over our house wearing a dress. Now, considering that I kinda have a thing for my Auntie Pua, I wanted to impress her. So I was showing her how I can use the table to hold me up as I walk around it. And I did it. Actually, I strutted around just to show off a little more. Anyways, I got to her feet and fell to the ground. And when I got up, my head was looking up her dress.

Accidental? Innocent? Lucky?

Hey, I'm just a child.

Right?

Puh

I spend so much time with my cousin Petra that I feel that it's actually worth it to me to know how to say her name. The problem is that he name has two syllables, and right now, I can barely get through one.

So whenever I see a photo of her, I just say "Puh".

She gets it. I get it. Everyone gets it.

I do know that when I do get to second syllables, "Tra" will be the first one I conquer.

More Swimming

Mommy takes me to swimming class and Grandpa's been there to see me. But Daddy's never seen me do my thing in the water. So today we went to our friend McKell and Kris' house, and jumped into their pool.

And Daddy go to see me do my thing.

He held my hands as I kicked my feet. He caught me as I jumped into the pool. He put me on his shoulders as we jumped around the pool. And he threw me up into the air and caught me.

All in all, a great day in the water.

But then again, when is it isn't?

Three Things I Like

I like strawberries and blueberries. They are both very sweet. I like it when Mommy and Daddy cut them up into small pieces and they put it on the tray in front of me and I put it into my hand and then place it in my mouth and then chew it and eventually swallow it. I also like it when they don't make the trip into my mouth and it falls to my seat. And I like how the strawberries turn my hands and fingers red.

And I like how Daddy feeds them to me before the tofu, so it's like I'm having dessert before dinner.

You know what else I like? Wilco.

Mommy and Daddy went to Berkeley tonight to see them play in concert. The reason I'm bringing this up is that, much like strawberries and blueberries, I also like them. Daddy plays their music loud and I kinda dig them. I bop my head to their music. And one of their songs, "Walken", is on Mommy and Daddy's wedding CD that they play all the time in the car.

So yeah. Those are three things that I like, which makes things interesting around here.

Friday Nights on Main

Tonight was a great night. Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa and I went to Tiburon, where every Friday night they have a big street party on Main. All the stores and restaurants moved outdoors and there's plenty of pizza to eat and drinks to drink.

And that's where we met up with Gram, Grampa, Uncle Shannon, Auntie Nessa, Karen, Joe and, of course, Petra.

Petra and I played on the folding chairs. We ate some pizza (or, at least, I had some dough). We kissed each other on the cheek. She hugged me. And everyone looked at us and said how cute we looked.

It was like we took our own show on tour for a new audience.

Bravo.

The Penguin with Grandpa

Grandpa and Mommy took me back to swim class. He got to see me go underwater and kick my feet and jump into the water like a penguin. It was awesome, really awesome. Usually it's just Mommy there and telling everyone about my exploits. But now here's someone else to verify everything. It's as if I am Michael Phelps and Mommy is NBA and Grandpa is like Bob Costas or Cris Collinsworth.

Or maybe Tiki Barber.

The Bench

Grandpa took me to visit Grandma's bench. I like to go there with Mommy and Daddy, but it's extra special when I go there with Grandpa, just because they spent so much time together and I feel even closer to her by being close to him.

And with me just being eight months old, I've got the whole rest of my life to learn about her.

Which makes Grandma's bench more than just a place to swing and slide and feed the ducks. It's also a place for Grandpa to tell me amazing stories.

I'm listening, Grandpa. Tell me one.

Grandpa Granda Grandpa Grandpa Grandpa!

Today Grandpa arrived again from New York. This time, I'm much bigger and more coordinated and I can do more stuff. Like crawl. And play with my toys. And make some noises. And I can scratch your eyes out if you're not looking.

I've heard rumors that Grandpa has been working out to keep up with me.

He doesn't know the tornado that's about to hit him.

Welcome back, Grandpa. On your mark, get set....

Get There

I'm a simple man with great aspirations. I've gone from crawling Commando style to getting there conventionally and then using a turbo boost. But that's all child's play (pun intended).

What I really want to do is walk.

To get there, we'll have to take baby steps (again, pun intended). So Mommy or Daddy holds my hands as I lift myself up to my feet and then, one foot after the other, I begin to make my way. Right now, I can do six steps or so. Tomorrow, maybe ten. The day after, eighteen. And soon after that, no hands.

And from walking, I can then move on to running. And then, hopping. And then, flying. (Don't tell me I can't do that).

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day, which is when I'm supposed to pay tribute to Daddy, Grandpa and Grampa. And although I have no money to my name to get him something and I don't have the hand-eye coordination to make him something, Mommy and I have been working on something special.

And when he saw me this morning, I gave it to him.

Da-Da.

He liked it.

Jackie's Party

Today we went to my girlfriend Jackie's house in Alameda for her first birthday party. She's got an amazing sandbox that I got to play in and we also splashed each other. It was flirting at its most subtle and cutest. We both got game.

NOTE: You might be wondering why I have so many girlfriends. Well, I don't feel that I should settle down with one chick when I'm so young and have so much to offer. So right now I'm just playing the field, seeing what's out there, surveying the land if you will and then rolling with it. That's how I do.

Petra's Party

Petra had her official birthday party today, and one of the attractions that Auntie Nessa and Uncle Shannon got for her was an amazing blowup house that you can jump around in. It was awesome. I saw Petra get in there, jump, fall down, laugh and then get back up again. All her friends did it. It was awesome.

But here's the problem: I'm too small to do any of that. I'm not coordinated enough to stand up on my own and I'm small enough that I might be trampled.

So all I want for my second birthday party is one of those blowup houses. That'll be a cool checkpoint to see how much I'll have grown by then.

Appetite For Destruction

Mommy took me to the Discovery Museum again today. But this time, I was with my two girlfriends Reese and Olive. So yeah, you bet this was a prime opportunity to impress them.

But hot studs don't have to try to impress. They just impress. And I am a hot stud.

Case in point: We were playing around near some rocker guy who was watching his own kid. He pointed me out and said, "Yo! Nice shirt!" referring to my vintage Guns N'Roses Appetite For Destruction album cover onesie that my Daddy bought for me.

Reese and Olive saw it happen. It was noted. They were impressed.

That's how I roll.

Next Time, Ry

I had the opportunity tonight to hang out with my friend Ryan while Mommy and Daddy visited his parents. I haven't spent much time with him, and I really cherished the chance to get to know him.

So I was excited. I had plans of crawling around with him and maybe both of us using his cofee table as a drum set. This was gonna be good.

Mommy drove by Daddy's office to pick him up, but truth be told, it was getting kinda late. I'm usually getting ready for bed by seven, and it was 6:45. Then it took forever to drive from one side of San Francisco to the other. And then it took awhile to find parking. And by the time I was taken out of the car seat and walked to the house and let in, well, I was just 13% awake.

Oh well.

At least I didn't feel as bad, considering that Ryan was just 0% awake.

Next time, dude.

Giggliicious

Thia might not sound like the manliest thing ever, but I really like it when Daddy blows air on my back and on my stomach.

It gives me the giggles.

There. I've said it. And I'm standing by it.

Another Phelpsian Achievement

I went to another swim class today. I learned how to dive into the water. We call it "The Penguin". It's very fancy and I am now a professional at it.

And, most importantly, I also learned how to hold my breath and put my head underwater. Okay, you have to blow in my face first to get me to do that, but still, I'm eight months old. That's pretty impressive.

Take that, Phelps. Where you at?

Solidifying My Laugh

After months of trial and error, I've come to an important decision:

My official laugh will be three giggles, a loud inhale, five or six giggles, another loud inhale, three giggles, yet another loud inhale and a shreak.

Please adjust your anticpiation levels accordingly.

Advanced Bathing

Mommy and Daddy usually give me a bath in the kitchen sink. I sit in the basin, and they fill it up with water, and they give me a rubber duckie and I get all clean. It works for all of us, even though pulling on the faucet seems really appetizing (even though I'm not allowed to).

But I've gotten too big, which means I've become a big boy. And big boys bathe in the bathtub. Ba-Bam!

What does this entail? Well, they fill up a tub with water and bubbles. I sit down on some sort of mat. They give me a rubber duckie. So it's like the kitchen sink, except I can now move freely around. If I want to face Mommy and Daddy, I can. If I want to face the soapdish, well that's my prerogative. It's all about how I want to roll.

If I want to pee in the tub, I can. And nobody will know.

And I have.

Twice.

Swinger

Mommy dropped me off at Auntie Pua's place while she ran some chores, and that was a great opportunity for us to spend some quality time together. So she took me to Moscone Park and placed me in the swings.

I went back and forth, back and forth, and Auntie Pua pushed me.

I didn't cry. In fact, I put my brave face on. And occasionally, I threw her a smile. Yep, I was playing it cool, even when I swung so high that I had to soil my diaper just so I wouldn't sweat it. She can't see me sweat.

It's all a part of gradual flirting process with her.

A New Trick

I'm really getting used to my new crawling method. I'm breaking the speed limit whenever I get a head start. And I'm learning to make noises.

See, I used to sound like Mommy and Daddy's Prius, which means I was silent when I crawled. But that's no fun. And since the "rummmmmmrummmm" sound that other people's car makes is kinda advanced for me, I've decided to perfect something new: the crawl and fart.

Sure, you might snicker at the sound. I get that. And that smile might turn into a frown when the sound becomes a smell. I get that too. But if you think you can keep up with me now, wait until that that turbo boost I get from the propulsion of gas coming out of my booty.

You'll be left in my dust. Or digested yogurt extract.

Gravity

As many of you know, I'm a huge fan of standing up. But what goes up must come down, and falling down hasn't been easy.

But what I learned today is that my booty is meant for more than squeezing, pooping and shaking. It's also meant for cushioning.

So as long as I stick out my bum and let gravity take its course, I can go from standing up to crawling speed in record time.

Secret Plan

I learned something today: Mommy and Daddy don't like to wake up early.

I mean, they don't mind waking up to pick me up and bring me to bed with them. But that's about as far as their dedication goes. I'm expected to go to sleep between them and wake up at a respectable hour, like say 6:30.

But what if I want to wake up and stay up at 5:15?

Well, Mommy and Daddy barricade me between their bodies and put Noggin on the TV. So I get to watch the telly all by myself for an entire hour while they continue to sleep.

How cool is that?

Now if I only knew how to work the remote, I'd might be able to watch something a little more substantial. You know, like ESPN. Or the NFL Network. Or the NBA channel. Or MLB TV.

Monkey

Before I was even born, Auntie Sue and Uncle Mike bought a monkey bean bag for me. For months, it's been sitting in my room, right next to my crib, and it's been as hard as a rock. But every so often, Daddy will sit on it, and before you know it, the bean bag became soft.

And, today, he brought it into the living room.

With my new crawling technique down, I'm able to get anywhere I need to at rapid speeds. And suddenly, this bean bag is now in my play domain, and, you know, I gotta check it out. Make sure it's a friend. Give it the okay to even be here.

So I crawled to it, grabbed onto the monkey ears, pulled myself up, stared at the monkey eye to eye and stared it down.

Then I fell down.

And then I pulled myself up again.

And then I fell down.

And then I pulled myself up again and realized how much fun this is. I mean, it's soft, it squishes, it's big enough to present a challenge...so I looked at the monkey eye to eye one last time and said, "Monkey, you can stay. You are my friend."

And that's how the monkey made it to my living room.

In case you asked.

Another Uncle Jack Connection

Today was Uncle Jack's party, so we all went to Gram and Grampa's house to celebrate. I got to spend some more time with Uncle Jack. We were both wearing newsboy caps. I had mine on because I look really cute in it. He was wearing his because I think he actually has a route around here when he visits.

Or so I'd like to believe.

Mommy and Daddy brought me in the hot tub, and I got to swim with my big cousins Dylan and Tanner. It was fun. What made it even more fun was that Gram bought me a green swimmy thing that keeps me afloat. So Mommy and Daddy have their hands free, which means they can tickle me in the hot tub. And, just as important, that makes me independent.

Or so I'd like to believe.

My Eight Month Birthday

Today I turned eight months old.

That's two-thirds of a year.

That gets me within striking distance of being a toddler.

So suck on that, newborns.

A Farewell to a Friend

My good friend Beckett is moving from San Francisco to Grandpa's hometown of New York. So although I will see him again, I won't have the chance to see him whenever I want. And that makes me sad. Because he's a year older than me and he's all been there, done that.

So Beckett, until we're both old enough to write letters or type e-mails or have Facebook accounts or to follow each other on Twitter, I'm just gonna have to learn from you whenever I see you, like three times a year or so. Until then, keep everything you're doing in your head and remember to tell me everything, mostly because I look up to you and refer to you for guidance.

Because I'll be listening.

Also, in New York, when you point with your middle finger, it's okay. People there do that all the time.

No Mo Commando

I've become very adept at crawling recently. But I feel like my form could use some work. I mean, if I were to join the Marines, I'd be able to sneak anywhere undetected, even a desert. But it takes a toll on my tummy, always scraping on the floor wherever my arms and legs take me.

So, with the help of late-night bench presses with a Beanie Baby, I've gotten my arms a little stronger, and my abs are now six-pack tight, and I've gone from Commando to Conquerer of the Pushup Position.

Which means that, when Mommy and Daddy are on all fours, we're all the same speed.

Advantage: Me.

Especially when I hit my Turbo button.

Lil Michael Phelps

Today I had my first swim lesson. Now, I've got loads of experience in hot tubs spanning from Novato to Tahoe. But this is the big time. I mean, it's like four feet deep!

Mommy got dressed up in her bathing suit and jumped into the pool with me. I had my trunks on with my swimming diaper and all my muscles pumping. I learned how to kick my feet and to extend my arms.

I'm not saying that Michael Phelps' 14 gold medals are in jeopardy.

But I do wonder where he was at eight months old.

Playing Ball with Gabby

One of the nice things about Tahoe is that we're surrounded my forests, which means that Gabby the black lab can run around wherever she wants. So I had the opportunity today to play ball with Gabby.

However, here's the thing: I don't have much of a throwing arm. In fact, all I can really do is roll the ball. But I look all around me and see all this space and I think that, when I do learn how to throw a ball, how much fun it's gonna be.

Until then, Gabby drops a ball at my feet, I pick it up, Mommy takes it away and wipes the slobber off of it and also off my hands and then gives it back to me and I roll it back to Gabby. And repeat.

Fun now, yes, but wait until I'm able to really let it go.

The Play Area

Mommy came home today with a new big gift for me, but for once, it's not a toy.

Instead, it's a place for me to play with toys.

Mommy and Daddy cleared out the dining room area (which, I'm told, was once the office) and laid down some soft interlocking tiles on the floor. When they were done, it made a huge square filled with different colors. And then, they put my toys on top of them. So I now have a comfortable place for me to play with my toys, fall down, crawl around on and, well, it's my spot. This is where I do what I do.

Score.

I can't wait to chew up every inch of it.

The Picture Book

Grampa bought me a picture book. I love it. It's got one hundred pictures in there, and he points to each one and tells me what it is. There's a photo of a penguin, socks, doggy, smile, lamp, chickens, rubber duckie, boots, computer, TV, broccoli, ducks, cow, horsie, keys, clock and a motorcycle that I've been informed that I'll never be allowed to ride.

Grampa asks me to kiss the other babies that are in the book, and I do it. I place a big fat wet one right on their cheeks.

Even on the ugly ones.

Uncle Jack

Today I got to meet my Uncle Jack. Actually, he's my great uncle, and he flew in all the way from Osaka to meet me. Well, meeting me is one of the perks of visiting the States. That, and Papalote burritos.

Anyways, he dug me and I dug him. I got to pull on his beard, which I liked. And he liked that I laughed at all his jokes. We had a silent understanding, a mutual connection that benefited both parties.

We're gonna get along.

Konichiwa.

Petra's Party

Today was a small birthday party for Petra at the Aquarium. I've been here plenty of times before, but I learned two things:

1. The fish have a different look when you're looking at them from Grampa's shoulders.

2. They have this place called the Kidz Zone. I think it's spelled Kidz with a "z" because, well, who knows why. Anyway, us kidz (me and Petra) had a blast. We crawled around this little play area, chasing each other and exploring new places. We even did some climbing. We tore that place up, yo. Not one inch of that Zone didn't have either one of our fingerprints.

One old standby, but two new features. It's like Petra gave me two gifts on her birthday.

What a peach.

My First CD

We've decided to expand my musical repertoire past Xavier Rudd. So Mommy got a CD of kids songs like "Five Little Monkeys" and "Old McDonald Had A Farm" and "The Wheels on the Bus".

I think it's got big potential here.

I think there's a great chance I will listen to this so much that it will drive my parents up a wall.

And I think there's an even greater chance that they will not realize that they could play anything and I'll like it just because I'm responding to melody and not to silly lyrics.

So I'm just playing along.

Rock on, creepy singing guy with a chorus of children.

First Word

Grampa had me working on this all day long, and when Mommy picked me up today, we had a surprise for her.

I said "Mama!"

"Mamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamama!"

She was so happy with what she was hering that she didn't realize that I was looking at the flowers when I said it.

Hey, just because I can pronounce it doesn't mean I can define it.

Fluffy B

Auntie Sue got me this doll that I'm very suspicious of. It's a chicken, I think, but it's dressed like a rapper and when you press his hand, he begins to dance and he sings "Tootsie Roll".

What the flip? Dolls ain't s'posed to do that. They're supposed to sit there and let me touch them. This one's got demons in it.

I hate this toy. And yet, I'm very intrigued by its failure to adhere to the rules of society. You are a doll. Behave like them and do nothing.

But how do you do that?

Do it again.

No, stop!

Do it again.

Walk This Way

Mommy, Daddy and I had to babysit Reese because her parents went to the ballgame. So I got some solid one-on-one time with the cutie.

And she showed me up.

She does this thing where she can hold onto a table and pull herself up. Me? I'm just a crawler. What she does is like magic. Or a trick. Or an illusion.

I can do that too, right?

Huh?

What?

Okay, I've got a couple more days until I see Reese again. This gives me something to work on. I have the guns. I have the willpower. And I will impress her.

Oh, I will.

Wyattproofing

While Mommy took me out on a bunch of errands, Daddy stayed behind and babyproofed the house.

And I, for one, am insulted.

Let this be clear: I am not a menace to society or households. I do not look for trouble. I aim to not be a nuisance or a messmaker. This is not me. This is not who I aspire to be.

So there's really no reason for Daddy to secure the bookcases to the wall.

I promise not to pull them down.

Okay, I can't promise that, but that won't be my intention.

Okay, maybe it's a good idea that he did that.

Winos

Mommy and Daddy took me to a winery in Sonoma where I got to play with all my Mom's group friends. Petra was also there with Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa.

We had a tent. We had wine (or, at least, they had wine and I smelled it on their breaths). I got to nap, just like Uncle Shannon did in the middle of our circle. I hung with friends and played with toys. I smelled barbecued ox, and when I begin to eat meat, I'm sure I'll like that. And I had nowhere to go and all the time to get there.

I think I can dig the life on a winery.

Except I won't drink any flipping Merlot.

Taste Test

Today I had a taste test: My foot vs. Daddy's finger.

Here's the tale of the tape.

My foot: clean, soft, almost tasteless and with a sharp nail but that's okay.

Daddy's finger: cleanish, sorta hard, salty and with no nail.

The winner: My foot.

Sorry, Daddy. You're gonna have to raise your game to match my appetite.

They Deserve It

Today is the anniversary of Mommy meeting Daddy for the first time. Little did they know that two years later, they'd have an adorable ball of joy who likes to blog.

So Reese's parents watched me while Mommy and Daddy went out to celebrate.

Good for them. They earned it.

And thank you, Mommy, for not rejecting Daddy that day.

Seriously, thanks.

I mean it.

Beach Bum

Today, Gram took me to the Marina and I got to play in this thing they call sand. It's amazing stuff. It's grainy and I can put it into my hand and watch it fall between my fingers. And there's miles of this stuff!

And the thing about sand is that it leads to a big pool of water that I thought would be amazing to crawl in to so I took off to see if it's just as much fun as the bathtub.

Except that water isn't perfect. In fact, it's really cold. I don't think I like it that cold. And just like that, I didn't want to be in the water anymore.

But that's okay. I've got so much sand to play with, so much sand to almost get in trouble with, so much sand to get on my sweater and pants.

And, you know, in my diaper.

That's my roadie.

Whoa!

Baths are fun. I get to play with my rubber duckie and I'm in the water and I'm surrounded by bubbles. Good time always had by all.

Especially me.

And especially when Mommy yells "Whoa!"

And especially when I laugh because that's a funny word.

And especially when she yells it again and especially when I laugh even harder.

And especially when there's another "Whoa!" and even harder laughs and on and on until I forget I'm even in the tub or that there's such a thing like a rubber duckie because it's just me and Mommy having a blast and that's the only thing that matters.

Whoa!

Grinder

I've now got six feet (four on the upper, two on the lower) and they do some amazing things. For one, they chop up my food into tiny pieces so I can swallow. And if I lean my head back, my mouth opens and I show my teeth and that makes Mommy say what a cute boy I am.

The other thing I've learned is that I can grind them. And it's loud.

Mommy and Daddy aren't into this new hobby of mine. But I'm just getting to know my body and what it can do and this is, you know, fun,

Sometimes, I'm grinding the melody of a song I know. Sometimes, I'm just sharpening my teeth for an upcoming meal. And sometimes, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

But most of the time, to be honest, I just do it to drown Mommy's singing out.

Don't tell her, though. She thinks she sings like Mariah Carey.

Ergo, Therefore I Am

Just when I got used to the Baby Bjorn, and just when I fell totally in love with the Baby Backpack, Mommy unleashed a new carrier on me. It's called the Ergo, and Mommy loves it.

I'm getting used to it.

Here's my review.

Positives:

1. I hang lower, so it's easier on Mommy and Daddy's back.
2. I get to look right at Mommy's boobies.
3. I have a little personal space and I can look right and left.

Negatives:

1. My bum might get peed on by Daddy if he's not careful.
2. Not digging the maroon color. Maroon doesn't have an edge.
3. I can't look out at what Daddy's about to walk into.

Still, when you weigh them out, the positives are a lot more positive than the negatives are negative. So hello, Ergo. Nice to meet you.

I See Naked People

Mommy and Daddy took me to Bay to Breakers, which is a huge race/parade where the citizens of San Francisco gets to show how clever they are. People dress in funny outfits. They hold witty signs. They do crazy stuff. And they drink incredible amounts of alcohol.

And old and fat hippies walk naked among them.

Not cool.

Look, I've been using these eyes for seven months now, and I didn't want those images burned into my memory.

It was almost too late until I began to look at all the hot, young, sexy and barely dressed chicks partying around me. They outnumbered the hippies 15 to 1. When I close my eyes tonight, they will be ones I see.

Anyways, I had a blast, and this parade made me proud to be a San Franciscan. I kicked my feet and flapped my arms whenever a strangely-clad stranger made me laugh. It was awesome, even though I heard Daddy tell Mommy that this was the last Bay to Breakers he was taking me to until I got old enough because he didn't want to answer "awkward questions".

I get it, Dad. Even though, for some of the naked people, there's just nothing left to ask.

Oysterfest

Mommy took me to Oysterfest while Daddy went to the Mets-Giants game with Grandpa. It was in Fort Mason and it was hot. Real hot. Like strip down to my onesie hot. Holla!

And the nice thing about it was I was able to scope out the ladies. Sure, they were cheesy, but since it was hot out, they wore less than normal, and me likey likey.

But of all the chicks that were there, my attention was only for Petra. My cousin and I played and laughed and clapped together under the hot sun. We were the only two people in our world, and nothing else mattered. Sure, there was music playing and people partying, but we were just laying down on our play mat and having a blast together.

That's the way things are always gonna be.

Illegal

Mommy took me to a bar for a surprise birthday party for our friend Steve. She had me strapped to her in her Ergo, and we were in there for about an hour. It was dark and it smelled of Anchor Steam. There were people there mingling with each other while drinking out of glasses. And the Mets-Giants game was playing on a TV in the corner.

And yet, this felt odd.

I mean, I'm just seven months old. I don't have any idea to prove that I'm 21. Heck, I can barely pass for 1. I have no idea how I got in. I was severely underdressed. And although I have serious game with chicks my age, and although chicks in their twenties do dig me, I don't have enough game to seal the deal. Like I said, I'm just seven months old.

Not that I'm complaining. Bars seem fun, probably a lot more fun when I'm older.

I can't wait to go to one when I'm older and lie later to my parents about my whereabouts.

The Gooch

I'm getting a reputation.

Seems that word's getting around that I like to play rough. That I like to grab. That I might not know how to play nice. That I'm a bully.

Well, let me set the record straight. I don't intend to play rough. I grab because I'm curious. I want to play nice, and I am not a bully. I just don't know my own strength, and this whole "using my arms and hands" thing is fairly new and I don't quite have the hang of it.

So please don't judge me until you've crawled a mile in my diaper.

Feet First

When Grandpa watches me, he likes to take me to the children's play area at Golden Gate Park. There's a carousel there, but I'm too small to ride on it and it might give me vertigo. And there's monkey bars there too, but that would be a scary drop and although I climb over Mommy like a monkey, this is different. So I'm relegated to the slide, which I'm getting the hang of.

The first time I did it, Grandpa held me as I went head first, and I gotta say, even though Grandpa was there, I really wasn't digging this. Hearts would break if I messed up this face.

So we flipped the script and he had me go down feet first, which I've heard is also the proper way to slide into second base. And although I was using my feet to stop along the way, I dug it. My feet hit the sand and I wanted to do it again do it again do it again.

Slides are now my friends.

Clapping

Adults do this thing called clapping. It involves smacking the palms of your hands together repeatedly in order to make a sound. The reason you do this is to show some appreciation for something that someone did.

I learned how to do this. It's kinda easy.

But you know what's weird? I get the opposite reaction. I clap to appreciate something. But then whoever is watching me clap then claps because I clapped. So they are appreciating me clapping even though I am only clapping because I'm appreciating something else.

But they're only clapping because I'm clapping. They couldn't care less for what I'm clapping for. There's no transference here. It's a broken chain of clapping.

I'm still gonna clap. It's fun, and I like it how, when I do it too much, it numbs my hands.

Play Date

Today I had my first official Play Date with Reese. She's a nice chick, and she's cute and our parents like each other, which would be awkward if they didn't, and she thinks I have an edge, which I do because I had my fauxhawk, and she laughs at my jokes I think, and I like the way she sneezes and maybe we'll see each other again, who knows, I don't want to rush anything.

Mother's Day

Today is Mommy's day, 24 straight hours where we celebrate all things Mom. I, for one, have a great Mommy, but you all knew that.

But with this being Mommy's Day, it all falls on Daddy to make it work. And he did a good job. Sorta.

He made her a nice breakfast and even fed me some avocados in the morning. Check.

He played with me while she went to the gym. Check.

He planned a nice day at the Art Store where the three of us can make art. Mommy loves stuff like this. Check.

He didn't bring a bottle with him. Demerit.

He got Mommy's lunch order wrong. Demerit.

He couldn't get me to stop crying. Demerit.

He took an extra half hour to finish his "masterpiece". Demerit.

But then, at night, he went home and cooked a fabulous dinner and fed me my bottle. Check and check.

The reason I'm telling you all this is that, even though Daddy had as many demerits as he did checks, Mommy knew he was trying. And she knew his gift to her was to spend an entire day together. And those things meant more to her than anything else. That's what makes her an amazing Mommy.

Love you, Mom.

Boys Night Out

Mommy, Gram, Auntie Sue and Cousin Michelle are having a Girls Night In, which is a perfect opportunity for Grandpa, Daddy and I to have a Boys Night Out.

Here's what happened. We picked up Daddy right off the highway where his friend dropped him off. We then went to a bar/restaurant called Finnegan's where they had pints of beer while I had 8 ounces of Similac. We watched the Lakers vs. Rockets game. And then I fell asleep sometime during "I Fooled Around And Fell In Love" by Elvin Bishop.

So, to recap...Boys Night Out is fun I guess.

Although I bet it really ramps up when I get a fake ID and learn about strip clubs.

Meeting Wes

Today I got a chance to finally meet my lifelong friend Wes. He was just born a couple of weeks ago, and he was a couple of weeks early, so he was tiny. But he was also really cute, and I mean that in a "it's totally cool, bro" type of way.

I was kinda loud, doing my share of cawing in the room. The adults in the room couldn't make out what I was saying, and that was the point. My words were for Wes alone, and they were golden nuggets of advice.

I told him that a diaper change is a perfect time to pee in someone's face.

I told him that it's okay to make believe you don't know what's happening if it causes an adult to look like an idiot.

I told him that when drinking breast milk, if you swoosh it around your mouth before you swallow, the aftertaste kinda reminds you of tangerines.

And I told him that if he ever needs anything, I'm not too far away.

Kids Club

Essentially there's this thing going around called swine flu that's got everyone up in arms. I overheard Mommy and Daddy talking about it, and although they think it's a crock, they said it's a good reminder for them to take extra precautions with me.

So Mommy took me to 24 Hour Fitness today so she could work out. They have a Kids Club there, and a professional babysitter watches me so Mommy can exercise. There's toys all over the place, more toys than I know what to do with.

But you know what I was forced to play with?

My toys from home that Mommy brought with her that she knew were germ free.

Mommy, that's not a precaution. That's paranoia. I mean, look! That toy has blinking lights, and that one makes a noise, and that one looks like an elephant. How can something as fun like those things be mean enough to give me swine flu?

Although that two-year-old does look suspicious.

Seven Months Old

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to Wyattthemosthandsomestandfunnestkidinthewholeworld orsoiamtoldwhoclappedthroughthisentiresonnnnnnnnnng.

Happy Seven Months Birthday to me.

Time Zones

It seems like there are these things called time zones. New York is in one of them. San Francisco is in another. So 4 PM in New York isn't 4 PM in San Francisco. It's actually 1 PM.

Makes no sense to me, to be honest.

But it makes sense to Mommy and Daddy. So when we leave on Friday at 4 AM in San Francisco, that's actually 7 AM in New York. But it seems early to us because it's 4 AM. And when we leave New York at 4 AM, it's actually 1 AM in San Francisco. So they thought 4 AM was early, then this is a bombshell.

So their bodies are confused as it is.

But look at me. I have no idea what's going on, but suddenly, I'm not getting my full sleep at night. And now my naps are confused because I have to catch up somehow. And now I have no idea what time I fall asleep later. And then I might confuse the sleep with a nap and want to play when Mommy and Daddy are asleep.

This isn't theoretical (I know that word). This actually happened.

So now I know what time zones are.

They suck.

New York City

Today, Grandpa took us for a tour of New York City. It's an amazing place with lots of big buildings and taxicabs and tourists and hot dog vendors. We went all over the place, like to St. Patrick's Cathedral and 30 Rock and Carnegie Deli and then to the World Trade Center. Plus, I got to see all the buildings that Grandpa worked in.

It was a big day.

I think I can do the city. There seems to be a lot going on, and with me being the curious sort, I think it feeds right into my personality.

And it fits into my already established persona of staring at and flirting with every hot chick that walks on by.

New York City ain't lacking in them.

Water On My Head

This morning was my big day. Mommy dressed me in my best suit and she, Grandpa and Daddy took me to Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's house. And not only were they there, but also Gram and Grampa and Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa and Auntie Jenn and Uncle Joe and Alana and Al and Linda and Lisa and Ralph. And not only Nicky and Ava Rose but also Petra! It was almost all of my favorite people in one house at once. It was awesome.

We then went to something called a church where there was a huge ceremony and, at some point, Daddy and Mommy took me to the altar where a man in a robe poured some water on my head. He said that I was joining God's family.

So I waved.

Later that night, we had a big party. I got to meet a bunch of Daddy's relatives for the first time. They're so much fun and they all wanted to hug me and kiss me. I mean, we just met and they already love me so much.

So today, I joined one family and met another.

Not bad for a Sunday.

The Staten Island Zoo

Today, Grandpa, Daddy and I went to go visit Grandma. Daddy glued a photo of me, Nicky and Ava Rose on a stick and put it right by her so she can always see us. She's got a nice view of a park with a lake and also the Staten Island Zoo, which is where we went right afterwards.

It's a small but nice zoo. I saw some reptiles and some birds, but I really loved the shark tank. They swam right up to me and I waved.

I also liked the emu because I heard Daddy say, "Emu" and I thought it sounded funny. I also waved at them.

They also had a Clydesdale horse. I thought it was smug and arrogant because it didn't give me the time of day. I didn't wave to it.

The point is that I had a great time with a lot of arms flapping and legs kicking. And I know that each time I go visit Grandma, I can also go to the Zoo.

So it's like she's still making me happy.

My Airline Tradition

We woke up before the sun rose to head out to the airport to fly to New York City. But this time, Gram and Grampa came with us. So we all woke up at 4 AM and headed to the airport.

At that early hour, things went really smooth. Security check was a breeze. The terminal was right there. And we boarded without incident, all of us in one entire row on Virgin America.

But then something happened over Utah.

You know what happened.

It always happens.

Sorry, Utah.

A Dude Who Scoots

I'm getting to the point where sitting still doesn't work for me. I'm an inquisitive man about town. I do not want to be on a need-to-know basis. The world is mine to explore, and I'm determined to let nothing stop me.

So I've begun the process of learning to scoot.

I put myself in a pushup position. I then lean forward and hit the ground face first. Then I pick myself back up and do it again. Before you know it, I've moved five whole inches.

Doesn't sound like much, but it's more than what I had before.

And the stronger I get, those five inches will become a foot. And that will become a yard.

Put ten of those yards together, and I'll have a first down.

Hands...What a Concept!

Coming from a family that's half Italian, I'm learning that a perfectly acceptable way of communicating is by using my hands. Daddy is so good at it, he can sometime communicate with only one finger.

But since I'm almost seven months old but not quite, I'm just working on using my hands.

The first trick I've learned is to high five. That means great job. When someone shows me the palm of their hand, my job is to touch it. Pretty simple stuff. And it gets a great reaction. Good times.

The other trick I've learned is to wave. Waving means hello. It also means goodbye. And I can achieve it one of two ways: by turning my wrist like a windshield wiper, or by opening and closing my hand.

Sometimes, I forget to do it, but I'm learning that adults don't. In fact, they do it until I do it in return. It's a nice tradition.

But here's a dirty little secret: When they wave at me, sometimes I just stare at them, as if this whole greeting thing is a foreign topic to me. But it ain't. I just want to see how long they'll do it until they stop.

The record is 43 seconds.

Independence

There's something thrilling about having your food fed manually to you. Yes, it's also a form of sloth and gluttony, but still, if you got it, you can't really complain. But I've got these arms and hands that I'm just beginning to control, and when I see things being done to me that I can handle, well, that's just not cool in my book.

So whenever Mommy and Daddy try to feed me, I just put my hands to my mouth. This is my job, I tell them. Let me handle this.

So they put the handle of the spoon in the palm of my hand, and I go on my business of putting food in my mouth.

And my cheek.

And my neck.

And my ears.

And my forehead.

And my hair.

And in my lap.

Hey, I didn't say I was a professional.

Hoopin'

Grandpa bought me this basketball hoop, and although I've been taking notes from watching the NBA Playoffs with Dad, I still need a lot of work. I'm no LeBron or Kobe right now. But I'm getting there.

I've heard rumors that Mommy and Daddy were really good on the hardwood. But looking at them, I can just assume it's all that: rumors.

Anyways, I'm working on my form. Actually, I'm working on just holding onto the little basketball that came with the set. Right now, I can lift it up to my chin, at which point, it goes into my mouth.

At some point, I'll dunk it. With two hands. And hang on the rim. Then scream. With authority.

And when I'm done, I'll look at everyone who tried to stop me and eye them down to let them know that they can't. It's impossible. I am a force of nature on the hardwood.

Until then, it tastes good.

Spa Me

So Mommy and Daddy dropped me off at Gram and Grampa’s place, then drove up to Calistoga for a two-hour massage?

What about me?

I’ve got modern-day stresses too!

Sometimes I look around and I can’t find Sophie the Giraffe.

Sometimes I dream that Mommy’s boobies go dry.

Sometimes the poop in my diaper scratches my bum.

Sometimes when I hold myself up, I think that I’m gonna fall right back down, but on a floor of tacks.

Sometimes the pain of teeth bursting through my gums makes my entire body hurt.

Sometimes Xavier Rudd is not on the radio and that freaks me out.

See, Mommy and Daddy, it’s not easy being me either.

So where’s my mud bath?

Too Last Minute

Look, I don't own a watch. I don't even really comprehend the concept of time. But it seems like I know what I want when I want it, and it usually happens around the same time every day.

At 7pm, I like some boob milk.
At 7:30, I'd like my bath please.
At 7:45 or so, I take down some formula.
And around 8pm, I go to sleep.

That's how I do.

And that's why, Mommy and Daddy, it's not a great idea to make a last minute decision to go out for dinner at 7pm when I've got my own stuff going on that needs attending to. I'm a laid back dude. I don't demand much. I'm just not one for change.

Don't ever do that again!

The Mystery is Over

My new friend has a new name.

Hello Wes. Welcome to this world.

Now go long and get open. I’ll scramble and find you.

Just a Head Cold

Mommy took me to the doctor because she didn’t like the sounds of my breathing. It wound up being nothing. My cold is just in my head and not in my chest. Nothing to see here. Please disperse.

But here’s the disappointing part of it. I had a male doctor. Up until now, it’s been all chicks. Although I got to show off how masculine and macho I am, it’s not the same without the element of flirting attached to it.

Not fair.

Another New Friend

Mommy and Daddy told me today that one of my lifelong friends was born today. Uncle Will and Aunt Kristine gave birth to a baby boy. He has no name as of yet. He was born early, and weighs just 5 pounds, 9 ounces.

I remember when I was that size. I think it was sometime around conception.

Another Announcement

I would like to take this opportunity to proudly announce the arrival of yet another tooth, bringing the number of sharp white boney structures in my mouth to three.

We’re getting there.

Do Over

Now I can verify everything I saw on the way to Santa Barbara, except in reverse. Daddy had to leave early to drive to work, so Mommy and I had to hitch a ride with Gram and Grampa. It took us awhile to get home, but that’s okay. The scenery was beautiful and, this time, I had play friends to keep me awake to see it all.

People Food

Little by little, I’m eating more and more solids. Although boob milk is still my favorite dish, I’m digging anything that’s delivered to me via spoon.

And after tonight, I’m beginning to get impatient.

Tonight, I watched Uncle Aaron make the most impressive tapas. He cooked abalone to rigatone. He concocted different reduction sauces using the craziest ingredients. He kept each portion small but filling. Each dish looked amazing and tasted even better.

I was only awake for the first couple of them, and I’ve never tasted any of them in my life, but I wanted to.

Come on, teeth. Grow already.

Grampa Happiness

This is a fun weekend. Whatever Gramppa wants, he gets. He deserves it. 60 years is a long time. And the last 40 of it, he’s dedicated his life to his kids and grandkids.

So today, I checked the Thing I have, and whenever Gramdpa wanted to play with me, I was game.

We went into the hot tub and he put me in an innertube. At first I was scared, but then again, I was with Gramdpa. An innertube is a new thing for me. I don’t feel anyone holding onto me in the tub, but I knew Grampa wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

And that’s the point. He’s never let anything bad happen to any one of us.

Thank you, Grampa.

Beach Bummin'

We all decided to hit the beach today and drove to Carpinteria. What a beautiful beach. The sand was pristine as I watched Uncle Shannon build sand castles. Buddha and Katie ran up and down the shore. Grandpa walked into the cold ocean. Petra and I played in the shade.

But, at some point, we all looked out and watched a bunch of dolphins jump in and out of the water. They were really far out and at first, I didn’t really know what I was looking at. But Grampa knew, and he told me where to look.

Mommy, Daddy, can you get me a dolphin?

Santa Barbara

Mommy and I picked up Daddy from work and headed off to Santa Barbara for Grampa’s 60th Birthday Party Celebration. We’re all gonna be there, including Petra, Katie and Buddha, and we’re all staying at this beach house.

But first, we gotta drive the 350 miles to get there.

It was a beautiful ride down 101. There was plenty to see, such as driving past San Jose and San Luis Obispo and Pismo Beach. We drove past endless forests and countless hills. We drove up the mountains and down to the valley. We saw the sun set into the Pacific. We saw cows graze and motorcycles pass. We saw many different colors together at once.

Of course, all of this is secondhand. I slept the entire way and can’t verify any of this.

See You Soon Grandpa

Grandpa had to fly back to New York today.

Here's some of the things we did together this week:
- He played on the swings with me
- He played on the floor with me
- He threw me up in the air and then caught me
- He tickled me
- He made me laugh
- He changed my diaper even though he hates doing that
- He gave me a bath
- He fed me
- He took me for a bunch of walks
- He took me shopping
- He kissed me on the cheek
- He put me to sleep
- He taught me how to shoot a tiny basketball into a tiny hoop
- He held me when I needed to be held
- He made me smile

And that's just the short list.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Overheard

This was a conversation I overheard today:

GRANDPA: His poop I cleaned up today was hard.

MOMMY: That's weird. This morning, his poop was smushy.

DADDY: And now it's green. Huh...


And I'm the one considered to be the child.

A Return to a New and Improved Normalcy

After a week of housesitting, we returned back to our apartment. That means a return to my crib, my Exersaucer, my high chair, my entire wardrobe, my bathtub, my carpet and changing table.

I missed them all.

And to add to the goodness of homecoming, Grandpa bought me all the toys for me that I loved the most at Rose's house, like the piano. I'm glad to see that my wink was noticed.

So now I have the best of both worlds.

And, on top of that, he bought me a basketball hoop, which wasn't there but was something I'd been eyeing down anyways.

Yeah, this is gonna be fun.

Let's get it on.

Easter

Today is Easter, which I've heard is a pretty important holiday. Seems that we celebrate how a bunny hides some colored eggs and when you find them, you can open them up and eat some chocolate.

Unfortunately, none of the eggs contained prunes or crushed avocado, I had to sit this one out.

Another New Trick

At certain times in my life, I've had the ability to flap my arms.

And at other certain times in my life, I've had the ability to kick my legs.

But now, at this advanced stage of my development, I now have the ability to flap my arms and kick my legs at exactly the same time.

I look like the cutest jumping jack ever.

I've Got This Thing

I love my Grandpa.

And I love my Grampa.

But recently, when I'm left alone with either one of them, I'm just don't dig it.

I don't know why. And it's not something they've done. It's just...

Look, I just need to cry it out, get it out of my system, and once I do, we're best pals once again and it's on.

From tears to smiles.

As if nothing happened.

It's just this thing, this warming up thing I guess, and I can't explain it.

It just happens.

So don't be offended.

Grandpa

Today Grandpa flew in from New York to visit me.

It was bittersweet.

I love Grandpa and I can't wait to spend an entire week with him.

But I miss Grandma and when he sang her special song to me, it just wasn't the same. He cried. And I wanted to cry too, but I decided to be strong for him.

But then he tickled my stomach and that made us both laugh.

And that's the point. We improvised, we'll make it work, and we'll smile our entire way through it.

No More Lonely Tooth

After some more pain and squirming, I am proud to announce that my tooth now has a neighbor, which is just as white and sharp and will fit in nicely within my mouth. It is a valued member of what will soon be a lean, mean chewing machine.

Welcome to the 'hood.

Boo

Okay, I left something big out of my description of the house we're staying at. Seems here that Rose's best friend is a big white dog named Boo. He's licked me a couple of times with his big ol' tongue that was the size of my entire cheek. And I've ridden his back for a while like he was some kind of weirdo horse. And he's barked at me, not because he doesn't like me but because he just wanted to say, "What up, dude."

If I knew better, I might be intimidated.

But I don't know better.

So for me, he just a very large chew toy.

Housesitting

Mommy and Daddy decided to switch things up a bit. Mommy's friend Erin (and my friend Rose) went on a vacation to Maine for a week, so we're housesitting for them. We're still in San Francisco, but in a completely different hood. Their house is four times the size of our apartment.

And, with Grandpa coming in from New York this week, he'll have his own room to stay.

This has been fun. I'm staying in Rose's crib, and she's got this fancy baby monitor that also has a camera in it. I'm not really digging that because I don't want Mommy and Daddy spying me during my private time, but that's okay. We're guests here.

And there's a long winding hallway which makes a walk a little more exciting and a nice sun roof with a great view of the city and a nice park nearby. There's some good stuff here.

And Rose has a bunch of toys for me to play with. I have toys, but here, there's so many new toys that I haven't played with. So it's like I'm at Toys R Us, trying everything out and seeing which ones work for me.

Like this piano one.

HINT!

WINK!

Petra Night and Morning

Mommy and Daddy went to a wedding with Gram, Grampa, Uncle Shannon and Aunt Vanessa, which meant that I got to spend some quality time with Petra. Our babysitter Susanna watched us as we played in the jumper, conversed with her piggy, took naps, downed our bottles and then throw some blocks on the floor.

And then, because everyone who went to the wedding drank a little too much, I woke up in the same house as her, and in the morning, we played again.

When we're able to read and move around a bit, these sleepovers are gonna be even more fun. Well, for us and not our babysitters. But still, hell yes.

A Nice Trick

I'm learning quickly that all I have to do is smile and that makes everyone happy. Everyone smiles back and laughs and there's much joy to go around, and it's all caused my the simple motion of me opening my mouth.

That's it.

Just showing my gums gives me the entire world in my tiny palm.

Methinks this bit of information is gonna come in handy later on.

Avocado and Rice Cereal

Avocados are in the shape of a football. When you open them up, they are green. They have a nut inside that you need to take out. You can scoop up the edible part with a spoon. And when you crush it with your fork, it becomes mushy.

But an avodaco alone is kinda tasteless. I mean, it's not bad, but I like what adults do with avocados when they make guacamole. I'm too young for that.

So to help me become an avocado addict like any self-respecting Californian, Mommy's been mushing up the crushed avocado with some rice cereal. It makes it a little thicker without having it chunky. I only have one tooth. I can't chew a thing.

I gotta say it's been working.

Mommy makes it and then puts it into my little blue bowl, then scoops it up into my little red spoon and feeds it to me. And with each bite, I dig it more and more, as demonstrated by my loud moaning between swallows.

Pretty soon I'll demand the salsa in it.

A New Razor Sharp Friend

All my pain and suffering from teething came to a successful climax today when my gums announced their new addition: my first tooth.

Let me describe it to you: It's small, but I'm a kid, so that's expected. It's hard. It's white. And it's razor sharp. Like so sharp that when I grabbed Mommy's finger and put it in my mouth, she yelped when my tooth nicked it.

At some point, I'll use my tooth for many things, like chewing food up. And for making my already beautiful smile a little shinier. And for making my sneers a little more intimidating.

But for now, my tooth is a brave lonely soldier awaiting his friends to show up to do battle.

I love you, tooth. You were well worth the trouble.

April Fool's Day

Today is April Fool's Day, which is a holiday where you get to pull a trick on someone and it's all good because you're allowed to do it. You get a free pass.

Like, for example, Daddy pulled a trick on Mommy today by doing something without her asking him twice.

And Mommy pulled a trick on Daddy when she didn't have to ask him to help her find her phone because it was right there on the table.

But I had the best trick of all.

When Mommy and Daddy went to change my diaper, they saw that my poo poo was green and not brown. And then, when they looked at it with surprise, I then peed on their hands.

Gotcha!